Moments in Time
by WIWJ
Summary: Moments in the "Fairwells"/"Extracted" universe. I reorganized them by age for now, any new ones won't be!
1. When Claire is a fetus

When Claire was a fetus.

…...

Michael Westen was helping unseat a dictator when someone handed him a post it note that said 'message' on it.

He took a deep breath and put it in his pocket before grasping the arm of the woman he was 'escorting' out of the country. Westen dropped her into the car before turning and looking at the driver.

"Where are we going anyway?" Michael asked. Edfu Naifeh shrugged before opening his car door.

"Nearest Friendly. Probably Saudi Arabia." The spy raised his eyebrows quickly before glancing back into the car he looked and the frightened woman and her son. He smiled and spoke to them in Arabic.

"_Don't worry. Everything will be fine." _The mother sighed in relief, but the boy still looked unsure. Michael wished his Arabic was as good as hi Farsi. He wished he could say something to put the boy at ease. He mentally kicked himself for giving a damn. Spy's didn't care if kids were scared of them. He climbed into the front seat of the car tried to remind himself that he didn't care.

"Why'd you ask?" Naifeh wondered out loud, looking at Michael with a bored attempt at chit chat. "You expecting a little R & R before we get back under?"

Westen looked at his new partner. Edfu was calm and collected, he had the stunning ability to look bored even in when the world around them was falling apart.

"I got a message." He held up the paper. "I'm guessing it needs secure channels."

"You think we're blown?" He asked lazily.

"No. I think if our covers were blown they would have just said so." He shook his head. "I don't know what this is."

He watched the scenery go by trying to shake the low feeling of dread that was building. If it wasn't about the job, that meant it was about home.

Home. He'd been trying not to think about Miami. Or the way that Fiona had sobbed in the bathroom the morning he'd left. He tried not to remember Sam's awkward grunts as they waited for his flight. Or the way his mother had told him she'd say her goodbyes at the house. He remembered Fiona's soft fingers tracing his face in those final minutes before he left. No matter how hard he tried he knew that moment would be behind his eyelids every time they closed.

Edfu prattled on as they drove to the airstrip and 'escorted' the family out of Egypt. Michael tried to keep up, he tried to occupy his idle mind with details from their current mission. He tried to think about anything else but what could have possibly happened in Miami that warranted a message.

…...

"Mr. Westen?" He blinked, turning his face towards the woman. "Your call?"

Michael made his way into the office and picked up the phone.

"Westen."

"Mike?" Jesse's voice was firm. Michael swallowed hard.

"Jesse." He didn't know what else to say after that and it made his chest burn.

"Man I don't know how to tell you this.." Porter murmured.

"Jesse what happened?" Michael waited taking slow breaths and trying to convince himself that no matter what Jesse had to say he could handle it.

"Mike.. I went to your mom's today. You know I see Sam. I've even had lunch with your mom once or twice but this was the first time I've seen Fi and-."

"Jesse?" My breath quickened. Fiona. He _knew_ this was about Fiona. "Just tell me."

"She's pregnant." Porter blurted.

"She's.." Michael felt the words ripple through him._ Pregnant._

"At least six or seven months-." He continued and Michael strained to hear him over the sound of his own rushing blood.

"She's.."

"Mike.. " Jesse mumbled. "I don't know what I expect you to do with this information but I thought you should at least have it." He waited through Michael's silence before taking a deep breath. "Stay safe Man." He muttered, hanging up before Michael found a way to say another word.

"Planes ready." Edfu came around the corner, a piece of licorice hanging out of his mouth. He stopped and starred at his partner, his eyes widening."Everything okay?"

He didn't move.

"Mike?" Westen turned his face towards him. "Bad news?"

"No." He said softly.

"You look like someone just told you the world was coming to an end." Naifeh chuckled, patting Michael on the back.

"No I.." Westen couldn't bring himself to consider what this meant. "I'm going to need to make another call before we go. You should tell them to hold the plane." He started back towards the room. "You should probably tell them to get a new plane."

"Sure. Whatever man. Just make sure you snap out of this before we get back to Pakistan."

...

He'd sat starring at the phone for almost an hour before he'd called the house.

"Hello!" Sam's easy going tone floated over the crackling phone line. Michael surprised himself with a smile. "Hello?"

"Hey Sam." There was silence for a moment before he heard his friend take a long breath.

"I figured we'd be hearing from you, Brother. I just didn't think it would be so quickly." He sighed. "Jesse wasn't wasting any time."

"Sam.." Micheal rubbed his hand over his face. "When?"

"Probably while you were having sex."

"When is she-? How long until-?" He sputtered.

"She's got six weeks to go." Sam cut him off, sparing him the discomfort of saying the words.

"Six weeks?" Michael shook his head. "I can't-."

"Mike." He pulled his attention back to the man on the other end of the phone. "Fiona's still up. I'm going to go get her and let you two... do what you do..."

Michael pressed his eyes shut and tried to steal himself against the sound of her voice.

"Come on Fi. Talk to him." He heard Sam coaxing her. "It's time. It's past time."

"Michael." Her voice was sharp and guarded. It hurt his head.

"Fi.." He tested her, approaching her with his defenses down.

"So I'm assuming you spoke to Jesse." She told him her voice a little less harsh, but still full of defensiveness.

"Are you alright?" He whispered.

"I'm fine Michael. It's a pregnancy not a terminal illness." She was down right warm that time.

"Fi." He whispered mournfully, sorrowfully into the shoddy crackling phone connection. "Jesus Fiona what did you do?"

He knew it was the wrong thing to say the second he said it.

"I gave my self a reason Michael." She whispered harshly. "A reason to wake up in the morning."

Right.. because he'd left her with nothing. He'd left her behind with out looking back. Blah Blah He was so sick of that song and dance.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." He said sharply.

"Don't bother. We don't need you." She said coolly.

He rolled his eyes. Yeah right. Sure 'don't come home' that'll give her something else to hang over his head for the rest of his life.

"Oh, bother." Sam's voice makes him jump. "We need you, Mikey."

…...

Naifeh blinked at him. It wasn't that he'd he hadn't spoken at all on the flight, that wasn't uncommon. Michael was always silent. It was the completely annoyed look on his face. Michael Westen's face did not have looks. It had one. Flat.

"You want to talk about it?" Edfu finally decided to ask, his eyebrows arching at his partner.

"No." Michael muttered.

"Some thing happen at home?" He prodded. Westen gave him an evil glare. Naifeh lifted his hands up in defense. Edfu nearly jumped when the man suddenly started talking a few minutes later.

"You know, you think you know someone and they turn around and do something so-."

"Ah.. it's a about.. Fiona..." He drew Fi's name out, accentuating each letter. Michael's back went rod straight, he turned to stare at the man he suddenly realized barely knew. He couldn't remember ever telling him about Fiona. Edfu laughed at him. "When you had that fever in Kurram? You called out to her for days."

"I did not." Michael snorted.

"Fi.. Fiona.. Fi.." His partner moaned.

"Okay Okay." Michael looked around sharply before looking back at Naifeh.

"So what did she do, Fiona?" The Arabic man leaned back in his seat. "She cheat on you?"

"No." He whispered softly.

"Then what?" The man waved his hand dismissively, as if there was nothing else that mattered

"She's pregnant."

"Mabrouk!" Edfu clapped him on the shoulder. "Congratulations my friend!" Michael looked at him like he was insane. "You should be happy!"

"Happy?"

"Yes! The woman you love is giving you a child. What better gift can you receive?" He listened to the smooth way the man's accent made it sound like something nice. Something possible. "And I know you love her. A sick man does not call out for a woman unless it is the woman he loves."

Michael thought about that. He remembered very little from the days he'd been ill, but he did remember wanting her there, wanting her cool fingers on his hot skin. Wanting the soft weight of her head on his chest. The-.

"Michael?" He looked up again. "When is the big event?"

"Six weeks." He sighed, looking out the windows of the jet.

"Six?" Naifeh shook his head. "You need to get home." Michael looked back at him. "We need a new plan."

…...

"I don't feel right about this." Michael whispered, looking back over his shoulder at the door way.

"No." Edfu looked at him a grin coming to his features despite the seriousness of his mission. "You have to go. This is more important."

"You better be here when I get back." He leaned forward, looking into the other man's face.

"If I'm not, promise me you'll name the baby Edfu." He teased, gripping Michael by the shoulders. Westen laughed.

"You better be here when I get back." He repeated with a true Westen grin. "Fiona would never forgive me for 'Edfu Westen.'" Naifeh chuckled. "Allah Ma'ak, my friend."

"Ela Al lekaa"

…...

Michael leaned against the window of the plane, his mind still full of what he'd just left behind. Edfu Naifeh. They'd grown closer in the the last month, he'd opened himself up to someone more than he had since leaving Miami. He knew that leaving him behind put his life at risk. He knew that there was a good chance that he wouldn't be there when he returned. If he returned.

He couldn't be sure now. He couldn't be sure of anything. Fiona was angry, he knew that, and for once since the burn noticed was lifted, he knew she had the right to be.

Because he **had** left her with nothing, with out looking back. She'd given up everything to be there for him when he needed her and he'd left her pregnant and alone and angry.

Right now he just needed to get home.


	2. When Claire was one

When Claire is one

Claire was sixteen hours old when he rushed out the door before he changed his mind.

He didn't want to leave. There were a lot of pro's and con's on each side of the list. It was partly a safety concern. Walking away would have left him wide open. Not returning would have put the lives of other people, people like Edfu Naifuh, in jeopardy. He had to go back. Even if his heart was in his throat and his ears still ringing from the words he'd said to Fiona.

He couldn't quiet believe that it had taken a baby to dislodge the words from his mouth. He had loved her for seven months as Michael McBride, then another year and a half years as himself. Six years apart, she never left his thoughts. Four years together in Miami, he'd never been able to say the words. Five days as an expected parent and mere hours after the birth of his child, they had demanded to be said.

Now he was sitting in first class on a flight from DC to Miami wondering if he was going to say them all the time now.

It had been fifteen months. He'd talked to Fi twice. Both phone calls had been painfully short and mostly revolved around Claire. He'd received an encrypted email from Jesse on Claire's birthday he'd stared into his daughter's face in the photograph. His breath quickened as he tried to memorize her before the twenty seconds passed and the image re-scrambled.

That image had bounced around in his head for the past three months. It scared him more than anything else in his life, coming home to a child he didn't even recognize. A child that he wondered if he could pick out in a nursery school class. He hoped he could, but realized he probably couldn't.

He begrudgingly made his way through the airport, laughing at himself for becoming used to private planes and cars with drivers.

His personal driver was waiting for him at the terminal exit, her bare legs draped over the hood of the Charger grinning like a fool.

"Fi." The sigh escaped in a rush and her grin widened. Now Fiona, he could pick of of any line up. He could pick her eyes out of a million pairs. Hell, he could pick any part-.

He lost all rational thought when she launched herself into his arms and pressed her lips to his.

"Fiona!" He chuckled, pulling back from her mouth before taking a staggered step. Michael grabbed her thighs and lifted her higher on his hips before carrying her to the car. She giggled, kissing his neck and throat, until his hands came up and cupped her face. He leaned them against the door of the Charger and looked at her. "Hey Fi."

"You miss me?" She teased, her lips an inch from his.

"Maybe a little." He teased back, pushing stray hairs back and looking in her eyes. She watched the wrinkles in his forehead deepen before he claimed her mouth with his.

"Don't worry, Sweetie. The guy sucking your mommy's face off is your daddy." Michael's eyes popped open and Fiona's mouth pulled slowly from his. She smiled again before waving over his shoulder.

"Sam?" He turned around slowly to where his best friend stood holding half an frozen yogurt that his daughter was currently trying to wrestle away.

_His daughter. _He quite possibly could have gasped, he can't remember. He remembered Fiona's small hand squeezing his before tugging him closer to Sam.

"Hey Brother." Axe's voice was quiet and soft as he handed Micheal the cone. He let Fiona's hand fall away as Claire followed the yogurt. "How 'bout you go eat this with Daddy huh? Uncle Sam doesn't want to get his favorite shirt all sticky."

Michael Westen lifted the baby towards his chest while she moved her face to the yogurt and took a cautious bite before looking up at him with his own eyes.

"Hey there, Baby Girl. Remember me?" She continued to watch him while devouring her treat. Fiona pulled a napkin from her purse and dabbed at her mouth.

"Say hi to Daddy." She cooed, finally tugging the sloppy cone away. Claire looked at him for a minute before clasping and extending her sticky fingers in a slow motion baby wave. Michael took a slow deep breath while Fiona kissed his shoulder blade and rubbed circles on his back with her palm. "Daddy's home!"

…...

She stood silently in the doorway of her bedroom watching her daughter bond with her father. Michael laid on their bed with Claire sitting across his abdomen. He pulled a toy from the bag beside them.

"This is for you." He waved the rag doll arms at her and Claire lunged for it. Michael pulled it back and made a face at her. She clapped her hand against his cheek instead before proudly clapping her hands together.

"Mamamamaa!" Michael raised and eyebrow before reaching back into his bag and pulling out another item.

"I got something for her too." He told her pointedly, shaking the snow globe at her. Claire screeched in delight and Fiona couldn't help but giggle. Her husband smiled, his eyes never leaving their daughter, but she still realized she'd been caught. He let go of Claire for a second and patted the bed beside them. Fiona scampered across the room and slipped beside him. "This is Lahore Fort. It's in Pakistan."

"It's beautiful." She breathed, starring at the falling confetti. Claire starred too.

"It is." Michael told her. "Breathtaking." He looked at his daughter before turning his head towards Fiona. "Just like my girls."

She kissed him softly before rolling back to face Claire.

"I told you he had a silver tongue didn't I, McBride?" The baby smiled at her.

"You're really going to call her that? Michael sighed.

"I do call her that." Fiona sang. "It fits her."

"It's an old cover ID." He laughed.

"It's more than that and you know it." She admonished, turning her head up to look at him. He smiled at her before pressing his lips to her forehead. "You know it is."

"I know." He relented, shaking the snow globe again. Fiona's eyes widened and shone just as brightly as Claire's.

…...

"Okay.. so.." Michael looked at the rows of pink and purple lace. "I know your mom wouldn't dress you in any of this... stuff." He looked back at his diaper clad daughter on the floor before looking back at the closet. "So there has to be a dresser or.." He looked back over his shoulder, doing a double take when Claire wasn't there. "Hey!"

His eyes swept the room quickly before he caught a glimps of her in the living room.

"Loose something?" Sam asked, before scooping the baby off the floor and taking her back into her bedroom.

"I didn't know she could do that." Michael shook his head, watching as Sam dropped her into the crib.

"Oh, she can." He sounded proud. "Fast little monster too. Aren't you?" Claire squealed, bouncing against the railing. "You lettin' Fi sleep?"

"Yeah." Michael watched his daughter and his best friend make googly eyes at each other. "Figured it's the least I can do right?"

"I guess." Sam answered absently bouncing along with Claire's movements, before turning back to face Mike. "You looking for the outfits that don't make her look like she belongs on Toddlers and Tiaras?" Westen made a face. "It's a TV show. You should broaden your horizons." Sam pointed to a drawer. "Those are the one's Ruth sent that Francie's grown out of. She's pregnant again. Fiona's praying it's a girl so she can send them back. Check in there."

"Thanks Sam." He sighed, pulling open the drawer and finding some less girly jumpers and dresses. He pulled out a white sleeveless jumper with green poke-a-dots.

"Are we doing this or not?" Madelyn Westen yelled from the kitchen making her way through the house.

"Uncle Sam's gotta go to work now." He told Claire waving his hand at her. "Have a good time with Daddy."

"There's Grandma's little baby." She leaned forward and kissed Claire's cheek before turning to face her son. "Don't forget the sun screen!"

"Sun scre-?"

"Yes Michael she's fair. It's her Irish heritage. She'll burn." His mother opened another drawer and yanked out a tube. "And don't let her have too much juice. She only needs four ounces-."

"Maddy, we gotta get going here." Sam mumbled shuffling his business partner towards the door. Madelyn looked him up and down, appraising him like some first time teenage babysitter.

"Maybe we should wake Fiona." Michael heard her mumble to Sam as they left the house.

"Stop it! He can handle Claire." Sam laughed. He listened to the Charger fire up before looking back at Claire who was staring at the door almost woefully. She looked back at her father expectantly.

"Don't worry, Baby Girl I'm a little on the fence myself." He sighed before she raised her arms to him. The left side of his mouth rose as he lifted her to his chest, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. "Daddy's gonna figure this out."

She patted him on the back with her tiny baby hand.

By the time Fiona had lazily made her way into the backyard, Michael was pushing a green poke-a-dotted Claire in the swing. She giggled hysterically when he grabbed at her feet. He turned towards her and smiled. She grinned back.

"How's it going?"

"Surprisingly well." He told her. "You wanna go get some lunch seeing as how you slept the whole morning away?"

"Someone kept me up half the night." She countered, making a face at Claire as she whisked away from them.

"Same someone let you sleep today so he could keep you up again tonight." He moved away from the swing and wrapped his arms around her. She melted against him and he drug her along to collect Claire from the swing.

…...

"Monica." Michael sighed.

"It's about time you checked in." His handler snorted. "I have your next-."

"I want Stateside." He interrupted, looking at the kitchen windows, watching Fiona chase Claire into Sam's waiting grasp. He tossed her over his shoulder and started to run away. Michael's lips twitched.

"I'm sorry did you say you want Stateside?"

It was time to come clean and he knew it. Michael took a deep breath.

"I have a daughter." Told her, forcing any feelings of inadequacy he had away from his voice. "Fiona and I had a baby last year."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah." Westen swallowed.

"I think we would know if-." Monica's voice was mocking, smug.

"I have a friend in Counter Intelligence. He's pretty good at protecting information." He sounded more smug than his handler. Monica was silent. "I want to be stateside."

"I'll be in touch." It sounded like a threat and Michael wondered if it was as the line went dead.

Westen leaned against the counter, gripping the edges of the sink. The door opened and Fiona met his eyes.

"So?"

"I just outed us." He exhaled worriedly. She swallowed hard, reaching out and rubbing her hand down his bicep. He tilted his head up and looked out the window.

"It's the right decision." Fiona hummed, leaning her head against his shoulder, he lifted his arm over her head, she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I can't help thinking about all the things they can do with that information." Michael sighed.

"I know it's hard." She pulled back from him, leaning back against the sink and holding his shoulders. "Especially after all you've been through, but you have to start having a little trust in people." He furrowed his brow. "She has no reason to want anything to happen to Claire, or me." He nodded at her, cupping her face with both hands.

"When did you become so trusting?" He smirked.

"I don't know." She smiled confidently. "I just know everything's going to be alright." Michael took a deep breath, smoothing his hands down her arms as his head bobbed to his chest.

"It suits you." He whispered.

"What suits me?" She asked, ducking her head to catch his eyes.

"Motherhood." He chuckled. She licked her lips at his unguarded expression, before pressing a kiss to his mouth.

"You sound surprised." She teased, he looked at her sheepishly. "I'll tell you a secret Michael." She whispered. "So was I."

He grinned at her.

"I'm-." Michael closed his eyes. "What if I never figure it out?"

"Nonsense." She snorted.

"What if she never-." He stopped, his gaze switching back to the window. Fiona followed it. Sam had the baby in his arms, swinging her around before carefully dropping to the ground. She squealed, babbling frantically at him with wide trusting eyes. "What if she never looks at me like that?"

Fiona's blinked at him pressing her lips together looking for the right words to say, his eyes widened.

"I'm jealous of Sam." He chuckled, pathetically.

…...

"I'll be there." Michael sighed into the phone. Fiona watched him from her pillow. Enough light came in through the window that she could make out his silhouette. He stared at the wall before dropping his head into his hands. "They want to see me in DC."

"For how long?" She whispered.

"I don't know. They probably just want to smack my wrists." He stretched out beside her. "Sounds like they got over their surprise, probably already have a job for me." He turned and looked at her. "So you should probably pack for multiple seasons."

"What?" She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Does Claire even have a coat?" He cocked his head.

"Michael?" She sat up and looked at him.

"Come with me." He blurted. "I want.. I want you and Claire to come with me."

…...

"Egypt?" Madelyn looked at Sam like Michael was crazy. "I barely made it when you took her to Washington DC for a week and now you want to take my grandbaby to Egypt?"

"It'll just be a few months." Fiona said soflty. "They want people there to monitor elections and help relay information." She smiled at Michael's mother and he nodded along. "It's a chump assignment." Michael stopped nodding and glared at her. "Well it is."

"What Fiona's trying to say is it's a safe assignment." Michael told her, still looking at Fi in irritation. "She could have maybe found a way to say it without implying I'm a chump-."

"You're a father." Sam shrugged. "That automatically makes you a chump. I think it's a great idea. You guys need some time alone. Family bonding."

"Thank you Sam." Fiona said softly, watching Michael swallow guiltily.

"I don't like this." Madelyn nagged, before lowering her voice. "But I guess I see Sam's point."

"Thanks Mom." Michael sighed.

…...

"You probably shouldn't have told Fi to pack for _all_ seasons." Sam groaned, hauling another bag out of the trunk of the Charger and dropping it onto the cart.

"Now you tell me." He muttered, rearranging the squirming Claire on his other hip. She reached desperately for Sam. Michael looked down, before handing her over.

"When you get back she'll probably be lunging at you to save her from me." He quipped, bouncing Claire up and down.

"That gonna be hard for you?" Michael asked, looking down at the luggage.

"Nah." Sam said before puffing his cheeks out at Claire before blowing raspberries on her arm. "It'll just mean I'll have to win her over again. If you remember Mike that's the part I like."

"You'll happily schmooze my baby?" Westen snorted.

"You got it." Sam gave a big exaggerated nod, Claire giggled.

"Michael, you're goons say we can get on the plane now." Fiona announced walking back over to them.

"Okay Princess. Be a good girl." Sam said quickly, pressing his cheek to the side of the baby's head. "You hold out for a pony okay? It's like I told you he's so guilty right now he'll get which ever one you want."

Fiona snickered, taking the baby from him and smiling at Sam.

"You be a good girl too." He waved a finger at her. "I'm gonna need my partner back in one piece."

"Thanks Sam." Fi whispered, tossing her arms around him. He stumbled back a little and Michael could only describe the look on his face as stunned honor.

"Take care of yourself Fi." He told her before pulling away. Westen was pretty sure he heard a sniff. He pat Sam on the back and followed Fi to the plane.

Axe waited till it took off before climbing back in the Charger.

"Hey Maddy." Sam called softly. "Yeah they just did. How 'bout I pick up some Thai food on my way home?"


	3. When Clarie is three

Goodbye means different things for different people.

When you're the girlfriend of a spy, goodbyes become both routine and frightening.

It's the sudden goodbyes that have always gotten to me.

The 'be here and ready to go in an hour' call just as we're sitting down for a meal. Or just when things in our bedroom started getting 'interesting'.

There are the late night ones, where he wakes me up at three am because he knows better than to let me wake up alone. The ones where I'm pulling my daughter from her bed to give him a kiss, just in case. _Just in case._

For Michael and Claire, the late night goodbyes are the easy ones. She's barely alert enough to protest, just heavy and sleepy against his shoulder as he whispers sweet things to her, promising snow globes or foreign candies. She doesn't have the foresight to follow him around the house with incessant questions and irrational fits.

I prefer the days, especially the ones with notice. I like to see it coming. To prepare. I like to give him long looks and longer sighs. I like to hold his hands at the beach while we watch Claire play. I like to grab him under the table when he's on the phone with his handler making travel plans. I like to distract him from file briefings with my lips and make idol threats about the strength of his self preservation skills.

At three am, I'm usually too busy with logistics. I'm packing a bag on autopilot or pushing one more yogurt before he walks out the door. Double checking the pockets of his jackets for personal items, asking again where the charger keys are. I'm waking up our sleeping house so that no one awakes to find themselves abandoned.

Today however, I'm almost wishing for night fall.

"But Daddy you said!" Our daughter whines I watch her preschool teacher lick her lips before closing the door to the office, leaving us to deal with our drama.

"I know Baby Girl, but when they call I have to go." He holds her fiercely against his chest. Behind her Maddy strokes my baby's long dark hair.

"Grandma and Mr. Virgil will take you, Honey." She promises.

"I want Daddy to take me." She pulls back, her eyes wide. "Please, Daddy, Please? Right after you can go. Right after."

Michael's body tenses and I press my hand against his back and lean closer to his shoulder, putting my face close to Claire's and my words right against his ear.

"Claire. Daddy has to go, right now." I tell her finally. "He has to. Mommy's sorry but he has to." Michael tries not to make promises to Claire, he knows that he can't ever be sure he'll be able to keep them. Even something as simple as 'I'll take you to the aquarium tomorrow' can lead to moments like this. "Uncle Sam and Grandma are going to take you home now." I pry her hands off of him as Sam expertly pulls her back, turning towards Maddy who cups her face kissing her forehead. "Daddy loves you and he's going to give you a kiss goodbye." I push at the hand against Michael's back and he moves forward. Sam keeps a hold of Claire's little arms as he kisses her face.

"I love you, Baby Girl." He tells her before Sam carts her off, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Be safe, Mikey."

"She'll be okay." His mother promises, her eyes squinting at his heartbreak before pressing her lips to her son's cheek. "Sam will get her frozen yogurt. See you soon, Honey."

He nods at his mother, his spine still rigidly straight. I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek against his back.

"It's getting harder and harder." He whispers.

"She's going to be fine."

"She's going to hate me." He moans as I pulled back, my hand grasping his.

"She loves you." I repeat, just like I'd said to our daughter.

"Fi.. I-." He gestures towards the door, and I looked at my watch.

"Later." I remind him, pulling him towards the door. I slide into the drivers seat of the charger and head towards the airport. Michael looks out the window and absently runs his fingers up and down my arm.

I pull into the hanger and wait, taking his hand before leaning across the car and molding my lips to his.

"I hate this part." He sighs pressing his forehead into mine. I think about all the times he's left, willingly and by force and I can't help but smile. I'm grateful for this part, I realize. Grateful for the Michael Westen who trusts in our relationship enough now to let me see that this is hard for him. Maybe harder than it is for me.

There is an insistent tap on the window and Michael holds up a hand with out moving away from me. I kiss him again.

"I can't call on this one."

"I know." He's told me a few dozen times since the call an hour ago. "Come home to me."

"I'll try my best." He sighs, kissing me again before opening the door, turning and getting out all in one swishing motion. I lower my sunglasses back over my face and watch him walk away. He's suddenly all business. One of the suits beside him hands him a file, he looks it over with quick strides. I watch the other two men follow Michael up the stairs and into the airplane. He doesn't look back.

It's that kind of thing I used to misread. The kind of thing that I used to think made the job more important than me. But now he worries that our little girl will hate him. Now he leaves me little signs around the house, photos moved from one place to another, a heart shaped block of Claire's left on his pillow. Now he whispers to me that he 'hates this part' before they come to lead him away.

And I know for a fact my H&K will be 'missing' when I get home.

…...

"Fi."

I hold the phone from my lips so he can't hear the rush of relief from my lips.

"How was work?" I ask softly.

"It was work. How's it there?"

"Same as it was three weeks ago." I try to sound nonchalant. "Are you coming home?"

"Probably be there tomorrow night." He tells me. "I'm in DC right now doing my debrief. I think Monica will cut me loose in the morning."

"If it's going to be longer I'll fly up." I tell him.

"Yeah?" He pauses for a second.

"Yeah." I answer, struggling to keep my voice light.

"What's wrong Fi?" Apparently I failed.

"Nothing." I shake my head like he can see me.

"Fiona." This time it's a warning.

"I just.. I didn't know where you were and then the attempted bombing in Yemen, they said there were wounded. Sam couldn't get any intel and Jesse's been off the grid and I-."

"I'm going to go talk to Monica now." He sighs, and I know exactly where my husband has been the last few weeks.

"That's not necessary. I was just being stupid." I swat at the tears on my face.

"I'll see what I can do." His voice is too high.

"Michael."

"Let me see what I can do." He repeats in a low rumble that lets me know he's made up his mind.

"You're alright?" I sound pathetic. I sound like one of those women I would make fun of in a movie.

"Not a scratch." He assures me. "I'm going to call Monica. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I'm fine, really." I laugh pathetically at myself.

"I know Fi." He tells me. "Be there soon as I can."

"Okay." He hangs up the phone and I press mine tight in my hands.

"Fi?" I jump when Sam calls my name and he leans down to look at me with more than a little worry.

"You better go to the store. We're going to nee the stuff for Chocolate chip pancakes and a few dozen yogurts." I smile, he pats my leg before standing up and making his way to the door.

"Who wants to go shopping with me?" He yells.

"Me!" My three year old's voice rings back as I hear her bare feet clap across the floor.

…...

I awake to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes. A sure sign that Claire Westen and her father have been reunited. I lay in bed for a while listening to them in the kitchen.

"Where is Sanaa anyway?" My daughter says softly.

"It's in the middle east." Michael's voice relaxes parts of me that have been tense since he left. "It's the capital of Yemen."

"That's under Saudi Arabia." She tells him.

"It is." His voice is proud. I smile too, stretching my body out.

"Claire. It's time for school." Madelyn says softly.

"Can you take me?" Claire asks her father.

"I want to be here when Mommy wakes up." He tells her softly. "But I'll be here when you get home."

"Come on Honey." Maddy prompts. "Go put on your shoes and get your bag." She sighs and I can almost see the look she gives her son. "You should have woken her last night."

"Sam says she hadn't been sleeping. I wanted her to get some rest." He says softly.

"This one was a hard one for her, Michael."

"I know Mom." He mumbles.

"Do you know why?" Maddy's voice is sharp.

"Do you?" He sounds hopeful.

"No. I was hoping you did."

"Ah, I don't know Mom, maybe she's just getting sick of the whole damn thing." He snorts. "I know I am."

"You should wake her Michael."

"Grandma I'm ready!"

"Alright then." She calls.

"By Daddy."

"Bye Baby Girl."

I hear the door open and close and Michael exhale slowly before taking off his shoes. (I don't like shoes in the bedroom.) I imagine for a second what it must feel like to be preventing bombings in Yemen one day and being reminded to take off your shoes and pick up your socks the next.

He looks up and sees me looking back.

"Michael." The word slips out of my mouth and he smiles.

He climbs across the bed settles beside me.

"Hi." I trace his face with my fingers until he kisses me. "I missed you."

"Did you, now?" I sing weaving my fingers behind his neck and pulling him closer. "How much?"

"This much." He kissed me again, pulling my thigh up over his hip and pressing closer.

"Where's Sam?" I say probably more urgently then necessary.

"We need Sam for this?" Michael teases kissing along my jaw.

"No I just-." He hiked my shirt up over my breasts and started running his thumb over each nipple. "Ohmygo-." I whisper.

"Be as loud as you want." He tugged at my pajama bottoms. "He's not here."

…...


	4. When Claire is four

**Yummy marathon inspiration.. if I _ever_ stop crying and needing a cold shower after that scene in HOT SPOT.. just put me down.. okay?**

When Claire is four.

...

There are few frustrations that seasoned spies cannot manage to muddle through. Hours of doing nothing followed by a few frantic minutes of trying not to die, you get used to it. Physical pain and suffering, from the elements, illness or attack, you learn to deal. Nearly going gray while waiting for your burn notice to be overturned, do able.

But waiting for some damn pencil pusher to push his ridiculously slow pencil while you are pretty sure the mother of your child thinks you're dead? That I apparently wasn't trained to handle.

"Look if this is going to take a while.." I huffed. "I need to make a phone call."

"We don't know when you'll be-."

"I understand that. I just need to call home." This is why spies shouldn't have families. This is why spies shouldn't have girlfriends or children.

"You should be sent home in a few-."

"Yes. I know. I'd just like to let my wife know that I won't be coming home in a box!"I feel my eyebrows raise. Did I say wife? Why would I say wife? Hum.. Maybe I should stop and think about that one for a while? Wife just sounds better, more urgent, more meaningful. Ouch. Fiona would hurt me for that one.

"Mr. Westen." The man looks annoyed. "This is a standard debrief."

"I know. I know.." I inhale slowly. "I lied to her." I admit with a sigh."They told me not to tell her I was in Korea. So I-." The guy looks up at me over the rims of his wire glasses. "I told her I was in Bahrain."

The man blinks at me for a moment before letting his pencil drop and pushing his phone across my desk.

"Call your wife." He tells me mournfully.

…...

"The State Department is still not releasing the names of the three American Intelligence Agents killed yesterday in Bahrain. CIA Director Penetta has refused to comment until the agents have been formally identified and their families notified." Sam leans over and turns off the television, Fiona's eyes still stare at the screen.

"I can't get anyone to tell me any thing." I say softly, hanging up the phone. Sam grunts, rubbing his hand over his face. "I don't really think they know who they are yet."

"Could they tell you how many people they had in Bahrain?" Madelyn's voice is flat. It reminds me of Michael. I look at her before dropping my head and starring at my hands. "Jesse?"

"Let's just.. lets.." Sam starts to sputter at her.

"It'll hurt just as much later as it will now." Fiona whispers.

"Fi." Sam closes his eyes.

"He's going to say three and you don't want him to, because that mean's.. it kills any small little spark of hope." She shakes her head, tears flinging away from her eyes. "Screw hope Sam. He's going to say three and it's going to hurt now instead of later."

"Fiona we don't know-." Sam starts again. Fiona stares at me, her damp eyes clear and angry.

"I'd rather hear it from you then from some damn desk jockey-." She pleads.

"Three." I blurt. Sam moans. Madelyn clasps her hands over her mouth, but it doesn't stop a strangled cry from escaping. Fiona is frozen, her eyes slowly clouding over.

"Thank you, Jesse." Her voice is cold. I've never known what that meant until this moment. I watch her stand up, shakily stumbling into Sam's amazingly fast acting arms.

"Hey. Fi.." He tries to sit her back down but she shakes her head.

"I want my baby." She tells him softly.

"I'll get her." He chokes a little, his eyebrows raising at her blank face.

"No." She jerks from his hold and pushes past him. "I'm okay." I follow her with my eyes until she snatches Claire from her bed and carries her back into her bedroom. "I'm-." The door closes and locks.

Madelyn's soft wail catches my attention and I look over as Sam sits and pulls her to his chest. I let my head rest against my palms.

…...

Claire is warm against my chest and I pull her as close to me as I can. I try to imagine for a second a world with out Michael Westen in it. The world I have to raise our daughter in.

We knew this could happen. I knew it was probably a eventuality more than a possibility, that Michael would leave me.

Willingly or not.

I should be crying? Shouldn't I be crying? I was crying when I was thinking about this moment but now that it's here..?

I push my face into Claire's hair and inhale. I'll have to wake her up soon and tell her how our world has changed. They'll call and officially tell me. I will have to wake up his little girl and tell her that her Daddy's not coming home.

My phone starts to ring and then the tears start to come. I bite at my lips when the start to shake, exhaling slowly and swallowing hard.

Claire starts to stir and I grab at it, flipping it open and pressing it against my face.

"This is Fiona Glennane." I whisper, daring them to tell me. Tell me that he's gone.

"Fi."

"Oh my God." I sob.

"I'm so sorry." He sighs.

"Michael, I thought you were-." I'm crying and yelling now. Claire's eyes snap open and she looks worriedly at me. "I'm going to kick-."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry." His voice cracks. "Fiona I wasn't even there."

"Are you in DC?" My door opens and Sam stares at me, his puffy eyes full of the hope I was so quick to toss away. I smile at him and he drops his head back against the door frame.

"Till Tuesd-." Michael tells me.

"I'm coming up there." I sniff, wiping my face.

"Maddy he's alive." Sam yells back into the living room before scooping a very confused Claire off of my bed.

"You don't have to. I'll be home in-."

"Michael I have to." I'm crying again.

"I love you." I almost can't hear him.

"You have no idea how-." I breathe.

"I do." He tells me, and I remember him, dripping wet in front of me. His forehead wrinkled and set. His hands on my face, my legs wrapped around his. I start sobbing again.

"I'm on my way up there." I decide, crawling off the bed and grabbing my bag, tossing random things inside.

"Okay." He relents. "I'll be here."

"Michael?" I call before he can hang up the phone.

"Yeah Fi?"

"I love you too."

…...

I take a deep breath and run my hands over my.. girlfriend's.. sleeping face. She makes a soft noise, curling further into my chest.

I had to confess to her that I was not in Bahrain. I had to tell her earlier that I was someplace that I still can't tell her. It wasn't the first time, and probably won't be the last. It's different because she is not your average trophy.. girlfriend... and she knows where I have most likely been and it scares the hell out of us both.

I bought Fiona a ring today while I was supposed to be at a debrief. It's in my gun box, with her H & K and I'm going to give it to her.

At some point.


	5. When Claire is four and a half

** Reva.. I'm writing you a Maddox chapter. Stay tunned.**

**…...**

"It's gonna go down soon, Man. We just don't know when." Jesse sighed, looking back at Michael. Westen shook his head.

"I knew when I got the call.." He sighed. "When I asked to be removed from Korea I knew there was a possibility I'd be back there before the end of the year."

"Fiona going to loose her mind over this?" Jesse pressed his hands against the desk, leaning towards him as Michael shook his head.

"She knows its coming." Michael rubbed his face, swallowing hard.

"You can still back out.."

"I have time invested. Assets." His head shook back and fourth slowly.

"You have a child who needs her father." Porter reminded him. "You have Fiona."

Michael took a deep breath.

"Fiona." He let her name out in a rush of air before looking at Jesse. "If you knew you could make a difference, help a country survive a war.."

"Mike I know you're good but-."

"If I didn't think I could make a serious difference Jesse.." Michael pressed his lips together. Porter nodded slowly.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna go home and ask Fiona to marry me." Westen's eyebrows rose as he mumbled. Jesse blinked at him.

"You're serious?"

"This is pretty damn serious." Michael swallowed. "I've had the ring since I fake died in Bahrain.. I just couldn't figure out what the hell to do with it."

"And now have?" Jesse laughed, Michael's lips split into a slow smile before he shook his head. "You should take her to dinner or dancing or something."

"Cause that's so us?" Westen laughed.

"Good point." Jesse shook his head. "You could hide it in her C4 or something."

"I'm thinking Blitzkrieg." He nodded at his own words. "I just go in there and pull it out and ask her."

"Like Lightening." Porter grinned.

"Exactly." Westen matched his smile.

"She might knock the crap out of you." Jesse nodded.

"Wouldn't be the fist time." Michael nodded back.

…...

Michael sat in the driveway, his hands clutching the steering wheel of the Charger. He wasn't even sure what he was afraid of. She was already his wife in every sense of the word. She had been for years. So what was keeping him inside the car?

It was what she wanted, he knew that. Any idiot who knew two cents about Fiona would know that. The fact that she'd never broached the subject was simply part of 'Fiona being Fiona' and letting him be Michael Westen. She wouldn't expect this from him. It wasn't necessary, he'd already given her more than she'd ever thought he would.

So why was he sitting in the Charger feeling like the ring in his pocket was a grenade and he was about to pull the pin?

This wasn't about him, or Fiona, not really. It was about everyone else. About being able to put a label her. She would be his wife. And that would carry more weight. With the company, with the government. It didn't matter how many official documents listed her as his emergency contact, or gave her power of attorney, or made sure his money made it back to her.

No one would really get it unless he married her. For Westen, it was more than that. He was about to end up in the middle of the next Korean war and for Michael, in this moment, it all came down to a triangular folded flag.

He took a quick breath and got out of the car.

"Blitzkrieg." He muttered to himself, catching sight of her in the kitchen window.

"Hey you're home!" She sang mockingly. "How was the longest lunch in the history of-?"

He cut her off with his mouth, pressing his hands to her jaw line.

"What was that for?"

"I love you." He told her frankly, like it was a simple fact that he told her everyday. Her eyes widened in alarm and he laughed at her before kissing her again.

"What's going on?" She asked warily and he grinned, the worry from the car ebbed away. This was about her. He loved her. "Is this where you get to tell me you were in Cuba and not Texas? Cause I already figured that out on my own."

"Let's get everybody and go see Nate and the kids." His eyebrows arched, like the idea should be enticing.

"What?"She screwed up her face and Michael wrapped his arms under hers folding their hands behind her back.

"Vegas." He tried to sound convincing. Playful even, rocking her small body against his own before letting her pull her hands away.

"You are volunteering to go to Vegas to visit your brother?" She moved her hands against his neck and forehead, as if she was checking his temperature. Micheal laughed, kissing her again. He felt the familiar ache of knowing he'd have to leave her again, that the next mission wouldn't be a few weeks. He looked back down a her confused face before taking a deep breath and dropping to his knee.

"What are you doing?" She blinked, her left eyebrow rising up. Her lips parted as he pulled out the ring box.

"Making an honest woman out of you?" He hoped he didn't sound like he was guessing.

"What are you-?

"Fiona.." He laughed, lightly shaking the ring box. Her eyes fell on it. "Fi?"

Her chin angled a little, like she was jarring herself out of a daze. She let her eyes meet his. Michael swallowed at the look of awe in them.

Fiona nodded.

"You'll keep me?" He asked softly, slipping his hands up her arms as he stood.

"Yes Michael." Fiona leaned forward pressed her mouth to his. "I'll keep you."

…...

"No Elvis, Sam." Fiona sighed, looking at Madelyn for some assistance. "Quit asking."

"Sam, take Nate and Michael and go find them something suitable to wear." Maddy ordered pointing out of the store. "Meet us back at the hotel. Fiona and I have a wedding to plan." Fi grabbed Michael's arm and he ducked back towards her.

"Stop and get Claire. I don't think she wants to hang around Nate's retched little girls all day."He opened his mouth to protest before shrugging in agreement and kissing her cheek.

"What about this one?" Madelyn held up the chapel book. "The Royal Wedding Package."

"Fine." Fiona huffed.

"You're not even looking."

"I'm sorry." She breathed, watching Michael leave the dress shop.

"What's the matter?" Her almost mother-in-law asked.

"Nothing." She shook her head, trying to physically dislodge the idea of Korea from her mind. "Nothing. I'm sorry."

She sat down with a sigh and started reading about the 'Royal Wedding'

"Oh Honey! They have a Celtic Wedding." Maddy told her cheerfully Fiona licked her lips before forcing a smile.

"Let me see." She ran her fingernails over the pictures. "I like this one. Michael would too."

"It must be hard. Without your family here."

"My family is here." Fiona said firmly, laying her hand over Madelyn's. "Claire and Michael that's my family." She smiled. "You and Sam are my family."

"Then why do you look like we're planning a funeral?" Mrs. Westen asked flatly.

"Top secret government buisness." Fiona teased.

"Korea." Madelyn sighed, Fi's head shot up. "I can read a paper you know. I thought Michael was off of that project?"

"It'll probably be an all hands on deck sort of thing." She breathed. Madelyn seemed to consider it for a second before tapping on the edge of the wedding binder.

"Nothing we can do about it now." She waved her hand, before tapping again. "I like this one too."

…...

He was glad she picked the Celtic package. It gave there relationship a bizarre feeling of Irish symmetry.

It was beautiful. Oddly them.

He'd gotten all choked up when he saw Claire in her shiny pink dress.

He was pretty sure he stopped breathing when he saw Fiona. Her dress was almost silver and it gleamed when Sam took her by the arm and escorted her down the isle.

She took his hand, her perfectly manicured index finger traced over the pulse point on his wrist. While the minister recited prayers for her childhood. Her eyes were moist when he said I do and she couldn't help but giggle the words herself.

Then they were married.

…...


	6. When Claire is five

It started out so innocently Fiona really didn't even notice at first.

He was a single dad, his daughter was in Claire's class. The first time he came over it was Maddy who invited him.

Sam had made some comment at dinner that night about how David's eyes had about fallen out of his head when Fiona came strutting in wearing nothing but a bikini and heels.

"I'm hot Sam." She teased, Claire giggled.

"You're married Fi." He raised his eyebrows.

"Married, not dead." She reminded. "And last time I checked I wasn't married to you. So.."

"Got it." He sighed, raising his hands. "Butting out."

Claire laughed again.

…...

They were play dates, that's how Fiona thought of them anyway. They'd take the girls to the movies, the beach, the aquarium. One day they'd sat at a little restaurant off the pier while the girls ate fresh fruit compote, laughing at the skate borders jumping and falling nearby.

"Michael and I used to come here." She'd said softly.

"How longs he been gone?" David asked gently.

"Almost a year." Fiona swallowed, watching Claire and Johanna whisper to each other.

"You miss him."

"I do." She didn't know why she was telling him this. She didn't usually tell people things.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." She smiled sadly before looking at her watch. "Oh my gosh! We need to go, McBride!" She pulled herself to her feet and rushing to claim her child. "Uncle Sam's probably freaking out right-."

As if on cue her phone rang.

"We're leaving now. I didn't realize it was so-. I'm sorry!"

"You're brother's pretty protective." David had laughed. Fiona had lifted Claire to her hip and rushed off with out much more than an apologetic smile.

…...

"Where were you?" Sam hollered, grabbing Claire from her as she walked in the door.

"We were with David and Johanna, I lost track of time I'm sorry." She opened the back door of the garage and rushed to the weapons shed, looking at the selection.

"They're guns Fi, not shoes. It doesn't need to match your outfit." He called after her, opening the door to the house and taking Claire inside to Madelyn. "I think you're spending too much time with this guy."

"Sam don't be ridiculous."

"He's going to get the wrong idea."

"He's not going to get the wrong idea. Are you ready?"

"I've been ready, Your the one who's date ran long."

"It wasn't a-." She clamped her mouth shut. "You know what? Forget it. We have work to do."

…...

"So you're divorced?" Maddy leaned over the table and eyed David.

"Um. Yes three years now." He grinned at her before glancing into Claire's room where the girls were playing. "When did you say Fiona was going to be home again?"

"Soon." She said flatly, looking back at the kids before pulling a cigarette out of her pack and walking towards the back door. "If you'll excuse me. I can't smoke in my own house."

David winced a little when he tried to grin at her before she stepped out onto the small patio.

"Maddy?" A loud voice thundered through the front door.

"Hi Jesse!" Claire called brightly.

"Hey Little Westen. Where's your grandma?"

"She's out back." David said helpfully, pulling himself to his feet and looking suspiciously at Porter. "I'm David Brooks this is my daughter Johanna. You are?"

"Wow." Jesse's eyebrow quirked up as he pushed his top lip out with his tongue. "I'm none of your business." He walked past him into the kitchen opening the door. "There you are. I need a favor. Who's the rude guy."

"Fiona's new _friend_." Maddy grunted as the door started to close.

"That explains it." Jesse's snide comment was the last thing that David heard before the door shut.

"I'm home!"

"Mommy!" Claire burst out of her room and into Fiona's arms. "How was.." She looked back towards David. "..work?"

"Work was good." She smiled at her clever girl, kissing her nose. "Did I see Jesse's car?"

"He's out back with Grandma."

"Oh good. I think Uncle Sam might need his help.." She glanced at Johanna. "With work."

Claire giggled as her mother set her down and walked into the kitchen pulling off her sunglasses.

"What is it you do again?" David grinned at her.

"We're in shipping." She flinched as he reached up and pulled a leaf from her hair.

"Jesse here?" Sam's voice thundered behind them as he banged in the door hauling a black duffel.

"Hi Uncle Sam." Johanna called as Claire stood on her tiptoes as Sam crouched down to kiss her, carefully setting the bag behind him.

"Hi there Johanna." He smiled thumping the tip of Claire's nose.

"He's out back." Fi called.

"Perfect timing. I'm going to need him to help me with the.." He looked at David.

"Shipping." Claire provided helpfully.

"Yes..the shipping." He picked up the bag with a grunt. Fiona hissed when the contents clanked together.

"Be careful with those!" She whined. "My favorite one is in there."

"Sports equipment." Sam told David lugging Fiona's bag of firearms into his apartment.

"Shipping?" David asked again. Fiona smiled a toothy smile.

"Fiona." Jesse lumbered back into the house.

"Sam needs you." He pointed to the garage.

"Awesome." He sighed, stepping down from the kitchen in the other direction.

"Busy place."

"Not as busy as it used to be." Fiona admitted softly, looking around the room.

"Busy enough for me." Maddy called. "What am I pretending to cook for dinner?" She asked, pulling out the drawer full of take out menus.

"Pizza!" Claire and Johanna cried together.

"Can I talk to you outside?" David asked softly, cuffing her elbow with his hand. She looked at it before nodding and stepping out of his grasp. He was vaguely sure that Fiona's mother was trying to kill him with her eyes.

They stepped onto the driveway and he sighed.

"I've been trying to work myself up to this for a while now." He told her. "You have been such a surprising positive for me and Johanna."

"I feel the same way." Fiona started, it was nice to have a friend with a child.

"I thought you did." He reached up again, touching her shoulder. "I was hoping we could go to dinner tonight. He bit his lip. "Just the two of us."

"Just the-." Her mouth slipped open and he brought his free hand to her other shoulder, gripping gently.

"You look surprised? Are you surprised I finally asked or surprised I've made it this long without kissing you?"

She saw him lean forward, just enough to realize what he was going to do. That's when something inside her snapped and she hauled off and punched Claire's playmate's father in the nose.

He yelped in pain and she jumped back. Jesse and Sam rushed out of the garage.

"Oh my God!" She screeched, her hand coming up to her forehead.

"What the hell happened?" Sam demanded, pressing his hand against David's back as he sank to his knees.

"He tried to kiss me!" She cried rubbing her hand down her face and taking a few more steps back.

"He tried to what?" Jesse's angry voice made David's head snap up.

"I told you Fi!" Sam yelled, yanking David back to his feet. "I told you he was trying to get in your pants."

"I think you broke his nose." Jesse made a face before stepping back into the garage and returning with a dishtowel. "Here man."

"I'm sorry! I thought you wanted me to-."

"I'm married!" She shouted.

"Still?"

"Yes!" She swallowed hard backing up to sit on the steps. "Oh my God Sam you were right!"

"Here, hold your head back." Sam told David helpfully. "Fi?"

"I was going on dates." Jesse watched her face in amazement as her eyes teared up.

"Claire said her Dad was gone just like Johanna's mom. She said that she didn't know when he was coming back." David's nasal voice was muffled by the washcloth.

Fiona buried her head in her hands. Sam closed his eyes. David looked at Jesse.

"Mike's in the military. He's in Korea right now." He explained softly, as Fiona got to her feet and stormed into the garage. "Fi!"

"I got it." Sam sighed, patting David's back again before following Fiona into his room.

"I didn't know." David protested.

"Sorry man." Jesse sighed. "It's just hard on her. Mike being gone for so long. Claire gets confused sometimes." David nodded sadly. "You want some ice?" He nodded again and Jesse trotted into the kitchen. He wandered closer to the partially opened door.

….

"You told me." Fiona's soft whimper came from the other side.

"Stop. I was half joking." Sam soothed.

"No you were not. You knew what I was doing and you tried to warn me."

"You were hanging out with a guy who's kid is friends with Claire." Sam defended her from herself.

"He tried to kiss me, Sam." She sniffed.

"And you broke his nose." Sam reminded her. "Mike woulda been proud."

She laughed lightly before the room lapsed into silence.

"I miss him."

"Me too, Sister."

"I got your ice." Jesse's voice made him jump, then wince. "You should probably go to the hospital or something. I could give you a ride."

David nodded.

"Johanna can stay here." Sam added, walking back out onto the driveway. "She can spend the night if she wants."

"She'd probably love that." David mumbled. "Tell Fiona I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Sam sighed.

"If anything it's a reminder that we have to stop talking about Michael like he's not coming back." Madelyn's voice turned all their heads to the steps. "Oh Good Lord who broke his nose?"

"You're daughter-in-law." Jesse laughed. "Who else?"

It clicked then in David's head, this was Michael's mother, Michael's brother, Michael's friend. That was why they'd all stared at him like he was the enemy. His head throbbed and he pulled the dishtowel back and examined the blood.

"Jesse you should take him." Sam winced.

"Yeah." Jesse clapped his hand on the man's back and led him towards his car.

"Sam I've ordered the girls a pizza." She told him. "Go wait for it with them." She stepped down and started towards the garage.

Fiona had pulled the long gold chain from around her neck and slipped her finger into Michael's wedding band. She moved it along the chain before pressing it to her lips.

"What happened?" Madelyn crossed the room and sat next to her.

"He tried to kiss me." Fi whispered. "Am I acting like someone who's husband has left them?"

"You are someone who's husband has left them." Maddy smirked.

"You know what I mean." She dismissed, her mouth still pressed against the Tungsten band.

"How long has it been since you've heard from Michael?" Maddy asked, lighting her cigarette.

"He sent me silk chocolates and red ginseng to Claire for Valentine's day." She sighed.

"How long has it been since you have _**heard**_ Michael?" Madelyn Westen narrowed her eyes.

"Seven months." Fiona dropped her face into her hands, inhaling a long slow breath.

"Um hum." Maddy pulled her cigarette from her mouth and looked at Fi. "Don't beat yourself up about this too much Honey. Or the men who start sniffing around you."

She put her hand on Fiona's shoulder as she stood, putting out her cigarette and making her way back inside.

…...

Three weeks later she got a 'ship to shore' satellite phone call from her husband asking her to pick him up in Jacksonville two days later.

"Michael?" She called over him waiting for the three second delay to catch up with them.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

She counted to six before she heard him sigh.

"Love you too, Fi." He answered. "Every thing okay?"

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

…...


	7. When Claire is almost six

When you're vulnerable, you automatically gravitate to what makes you feel safe. Familiar places, people, even schools of thought.

Michael knew rationally that this is what he'd done after the botched extraction. He'd gone into military mode to survive, spy mode to give his mission brief and then finally; as the harsh reality of his injuries and the gravity of the situation had been able to push past duty, he'd reached out for Fiona.

"Can you call my wife?" He was fairly certain he was dying.

He could remember the way the words had come from his mouth just as easily as the official stuff. The stuff the man in the black ops gear was trained to receive. He seemed to be trained to receive the other stuff too, the personal stuff. His face never betraying his stoic gaze he'd nodded.

"We'll contact her as soon as possible Sir." Michael had more requests, how he wanted her told, how quickly he wanted her brought to where ever he was being taken too. None of those things made it to the forefront of his mind where things were less fuzzy. Then that small section slammed shut as his adrenaline wore out.

In Japan he'd been shameless. His shaky hand writing USA repeatedly until a nurse relented and got a doctor.

"We can transfer you to Walter Reed as soon as your breathing on your own."

Michael had promptly yanked the tube.

"Now's good." He'd rasped. "Can I call my wife?"

"She's been contacted Agent Westen." Came a stiff official company voice from the door. "We'll arrange to have you transferred and her brought to you immediately."

He'd nodded, suspiciously looking around until the medication took hold and he began to drift off.

"Get me a tube and scope. If you're really planning on doing this I want him vented for transport." The doctor's grumble was the last thing he remembered clearly.

...

"Promise me your not going to freak out." Her husbands voice was supposed to calm her, but the lazy way his words slurred out of his mouth did nothing but make her heartbeat faster.

"Oh.. I think I'm entitled to freak out a little, Michael." She tried to keep her voice sane. "When Monica calls and asks me how soon I can be on a plane to Walter Reed I get to freak out a little."

"I'm okay." He sighed.

"Really cause you sound like shit." She quipped.

"Are you in DC?" He couldn't keep the hopefulness from his voice and it made her stomach churn.

"I'll be there in about fifteen minutes." She looked at Sam pointedly and he pushed down the gas petal on their rental car. "Or ten."

"I'm okay.." He sighed before his voice trailed off, to Fiona it sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Michael.." She breathed fighting not to cry. Beside her, her driver made an uncomfortable noise before taking a corner a little sharper than he should have. She wanted to ask him what happened. She wanted to ask him why they hell he was still doing this. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard. "I'm going to be there a few minutes and if you're not okay? When you are I'm going to kick your ass."

"Deal." He whispered softly.

"Okay." She sighed.

"Don't hang up." His voice was so soft she had to strain to hear it.

"I'm not." She promised reaching across the car with her other hand and gripping Sam's arm.

"Almost there." He reminded her as he pulled up to the medical center and she flung the door open and started towards the lobby.

"ICU?" She panted, holding her hand over the phone.

"Mrs. Westen?" She spun on her heals to face the uniformed solider standing stiffly in front of her.

She nodded.

"This way Ma'am."

...

"Oh my God." She couldn't help it. She'd seen her husband in some pretty ugly conditions but this one took the cake. He looked like he'd been beaten with in an inch of his life.

"I'm okay." He repeated again still holding the phone loosely to his head as the nurse pulled away oxygen from his nose in favor of a face mask.

She dropped her purse and coat to the floor, the metal of her zipped clanging loudly in the otherwise silent room as she pressed her lips gingerly to his forehead. Michael lifted the face mask, his fingers barely skimming her bicep before she dipped her head and kissed him on the lips.

He frowned when she pulled back quickly, dropping the oxygen back over his mouth and nose.

"Mr. Westen if you don't keep it on we'll have to entubate you again." The nurse warned, Fiona's eyes shot up to her before dropping back to Michael.

"He'll calm down now." She all but ordered.

"We were hoping he'd be more compliant when you got here." She grinned. Fiona looked up again as Michael's hand worked down her sleeve and into her grasp. "I'm Christy."

"Fiona." She breathed absently, her eyes dropping back to Michael. It had been almost a year since she'd seen him in person. Eleven months and fifteen days (to be exact) since she'd touched him.

"I'll leave you two alone." The nurse whispered. "As long as you behave Mr. Westen."

He nodded absently his eyes still fixed on Fiona. She ran the backs of her fingers against his battered face.

"Hi." His eyes are wide and moist and she draws her fingers over his temple.

"Jesus what have they done to you?" She whispered pressing her lips in soft gentle pops over his face. He closed his eyes and the tears slip from the corners and down over the slight slope of his head from the pillow beneath it. She wiped them away, her own breath staggered and heavy.

"Doesn't hurt." He told her. "Must be pretty drugged."

She laughed, for his benefit and he rewarded her effort with a smile. He closed his eyes and her face crumpled quickly.

"So tired, Fi." He swallowed, she started stroking his cheek again.

"Then sleep." She coaxed. "I'm here now." His mouth twitched up slightly as she whispered it again. "You're safe. I'm here."

…...

"He was the only survivor from the original extraction team. When back up arrived on scene the situation had already deteriorated beyond our control. We lost two agents and four hostages at the site. Another hostage in transit to the Naval base and another agent died in Okinawa." The officer addressed Sam, occasionally shooting glances at Fiona Westen who didn't seem to notice he was in the room. She stroked her hands over his face, his shoulders, his chest, lightly as if she was taking a silent inventory of parts.

"Man." Sam whispered.

"We kept him in Japan until he was able to be brought out of sedation for questioning. Then he all but ordered us to get him back to the States." The man looked at Fiona again, then back at Sam with a light smile. "People often recover faster with the support of family."

"He didn't want our support." Fiona finally snapped, her voice low, but lethal. "He wanted our protection."

"Ma'am?"

"You're people almost got him killed. He wanted some back up that was actually capable of backing him up."

"Fiona." Sam's protest was halfhearted. He knew he had to say something, but it's hard to protest when you agree.

"No." She dismissed him with a flap of her hand. "Why the hell even bother to back them up if you're going to arrive too late?"

"Mrs. Westen the agent in charge didn't feel that-."

"Was my husband the Agent in charge?" She stepped closer and Sam lumbered to his feet to protect the Special Forces guy if it became necessary_, _and judging by Fiona's predatory stance, it just might have.

"No Ma'am, Agent West-."

"_That_ was the first of many mistakes that nearly made me a widow and my daughter fatherless this week."

Sam stepped in then as the man opened his mouth to speak, physically putting himself between the two.

"Fi, how 'bout we don't rip the messengers limbs off, huh?" He arched an eyebrow at her and she deflated, stalking back to Michael and pulling the chair closer to him. "Thank you. Captain.." Axe dropped his head to read the man's uniform. "Stevens. We appreciate the visit."

"Ma'am. I was in the med evac. chopper with him. Your husband showed incredible bravery. He provided us with crucial details of the scene, what went wrong, what he saw." Fiona steeled her jaw. "Just before he lost consciousness he asked me if I could call his wife.."

Her eyes slipped shut as her face softened. Sam leaned his elbow against the table behind him and grunted softly.

"I thought you should know that."

"Thank you." Sam whispered as Fiona nodded.

"At the time I was fairly certain I'd have to tell you at his funeral." Stevens walked away slowly, collecting his things and making his way to the door. "I'm glad I was wrong."

"Us too." Sam breathed, letting the man out of the room before turning back to look at Fi. Her head was resting on the edge of the bed by Michael's hip her lips pressed against the back of his hand.

"Sam.." She croaked, turning her cheek enough that she could peer up at him.

"He's okay now." Sam assured her, nodding before looking around the room. "I'm going to call Maddy."

Fiona nodded, waiting until the door clicked shut before standing up and leaning over Michael.

"It's alright now. I'm here." She told him again. "I'm here now."

…...

"The nursing care will probably arrive at your house before you do."

"My mother in law will be there to let them in." She nodded, looking back into the room where Sam was helping him on with his coat.

"Use it Mrs. Westen." The nurse said, gripping the woman's arm. "Let her worry about him while you sleep. Let her do the work." Fi smiled. "This is going to be a long road for him. You're going to have to take care of yourself too."

"Ready to go?" Michael's voice snapped her head back and the nurse realized her words had fallen on deaf ears. Sam tugged at the tubing for the portable oxygen until Michael's hand lifted slowly and popped the tabs into his nose.

She smiled as Sam held his arm until he made it to the wheelchair.

"Let's get you home." She smoothed his hands over his head.

Getting Michael home had been her mission for the past two weeks. I think Michael had just assumed that this recovery would be like any other of the times when he'd been injured. It wasn't. Partly because of the extent of his injuries, partly because he was getting older. Fiona had decided it was also partly due to the emotional damage that had been done.

The head injury still left him confused about what had actually occurred. The drugs hadn't helped matters. What ever had occurred during the failed extraction had left him shaken, and that shook Fiona to her very core.

"Fi." She'd dozed off on the plane, exhaustion settling over her quickly. It took Sam a few moments to revive her. "Fiona."

She opened her eyes and followed his worried gaze to Michael's portable monitor.

"His heart rates kinda high." He looked at his friend. "Should I wake him or just give him the morphine?" The nurse did not want Sam to administer any IV medications. His field medic training did not amount to much as far as she was concerned. Fiona however had watched him on many occasions that made him look like a skilled surgeon.

"Just do it." She whispered, taking her husbands hand in hers and extending his arm. Sam looked at the syringe before removing the cap from the line and injecting the morphine. Fiona stroked his arm until his heart rate settled back down to normal. She looked at Sam who had pulled out a blood pressure cuff. He waited for the beep before nodding to himself.

Fiona relaxed back against the seat.

….

The nurse lasted about two days before she announced she was being paid for nothing and that they would be just fine without her.

Fiona thanked her and paid her for the week.

The job of taking care of Michael became one more thing that her and Sam tag teamed. Michael had told her once they were a good team and now she wondered how she had ever not seen that.

They had over the years, become a seamless duo. With work, with Claire and now with caring for their patient. She had admitted long ago that Sam Axe was probably the best friend she'd ever had. He was loyal, almost to a fault, she tried to remember that when she went off half cocked about something. He could hold his own though, even against Fiona and that was something that she knew he took pride in.

"_Oh no. No no that won't work on me, Little Lady." _He'd tell her wagging his finger at her when she tried to get him to blur the lines just a little on a job_. "I know your game and we ain't playing it like that."_

She had long ago stopped counting the times she realized that she would have been lost long ago without Sam.

"You need to go back to work Fi." He told her stiffly one night.

"Sam he doesn't even like it when I leave to go to the store!" Fiona shook her head.

"That's why you have to go back to work." He looked at her honestly. "Fi. He's not getting any better."

She looked at him like he was nuts. His wounds were healing, he was off the morphine and the oxygen. He was starting to walk on his own. He was clearly getting better.

"You know what I mean. He's not Michael Westen."

"Sam." She said softly. "I can't just leave him-."

"Yes you can. Maddy will stay here with him and I'll have Jesse stop by to make sure every things alright." He looked at her. "He's gotta do this Fi." She looked back towards the bedroom. "And so do you."

…...

She'd known he'd been right when they'd gotten home. Michael, ghostly white was sitting on sofa in the front room when they'd walked through the door.

"Hey there they are." Jesse had said softly. "Told ya everything was fine."

He patted Mike on the back giving Madelyn one last look before making his way out the door.

"How'd it go?" Maddy asked helpfully, unlit cigarette in her hands as she looked from Sam to Michael then from Fi to Michael. Sam smiled.

"Great. We got everything we needed and more." He chuckled a little to lightly. "How'd it go here?"

Fiona still stood motionless, her gaze locked with her husbands.

"Well, if pacing back and forth counts as walking I'd say Michael did a lot of walking." She squeezed the cigarette again. "Care to join me out back Sam?"

"Sure thing." He jogged forward, catching up with her quickly. Fiona waited until the door shut before lowering herself down next to her husband.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Everything go okay?"

"Everything went exactly as planned. Boring really." She watched his hand creep over and take her own.

"I thought I was going to die." He told her flatly and for one insane moment she thought he was talking about tonight. "I don't think I've ever been as positive that I was going to die as I was that day."

"You didn't." She said quickly.

"My entire team.." He shook his head and she turned to face him. "It was a bad plan Fi."

"Did you tell them that?" He nodded keeping his eyes trained on hers. "That's all you could have done Michael."

He nodded back at her.

"It's time to put this away." She soothed, slipping her hands up her shoulders and splaying her fingers out against his neck. "Time to go forward."

In her head Fiona had already decided what forward meant for her, she pressed her lips gently to his before pulling away. He met her with a little more pressure on their next touch, locking eyes with her.

"Are you ready?" She asked softly.

"Go easy on me." He whispered back, nodding slowly.

"Just this once."

They never talked about birth control, that time or the times that came after.

She began to gauge his progress by their sex life, as clingy desperate gentle sex gave way to more ambitious exploits, she decided he was getting better.

The night he pinned her against the wall in their bedroom, she decided he was back. But as she watched him refuse more and more assignments from Monica she realized maybe she'd been premature.

"You _say_ that. God! If I could count the number of times you've said 'one more'" She heard him hiss into the phone one night. "_One more and you can go home to see your family. One more and you can be stationed stateside. _Only it never seems to go my way does it? Something always makes me turn in another direction."

He came to bed that night angry and she'd let him be. Roughly trapping her between him and the mattress, scratching and grabbing and cursing until he'd given it all he had. His arms shook as he starred at her from above, her lips bruised and swollen. He kissed them soothingly and she grasped the back of his head, keeping his face pressed to hers.

She waited until his uneven breath slowed. He'd made a decision.

"When are you leaving?" She asked calmly.

"I'll call her in the morning." He told her shakily. "Probably by the weekend."

She nodded as he sunk next to her, rolling herself along. He wrapped his arms tightly around her tiny body.

…...

The last time Michael Westen saw his mother it was May in Miami. She had a cold. One with an annoying hacking dry cough that she treated with bottles of Robitussin that she kept in her purse and drank out of like a flask.

She and Virgil had decided to paint the privacy fence and she stood next to it with a large sun hat on her head and Huck Finn high waters rolled up almost to her knees.

"Well your putting too much paint on the brush." She clucked after her boyfriend before noticing her son tramping across the yard.

"Mom I'm on my way to the airport." He called watching her set down the roller and toss her arms around him. He hugged her a little tighter than usual. She patted his back and looked at his face.

"Don't come back in pieces this time Michael."

"I'll do my best." It was his standard reply, but she smiled anyway.

"And call more often. Fiona worries." She picked her roller back up.

"I know Mom." He looked at Virgil. "Virge."

"Stay safe Mike." He called. Madelyn Westen watched him as he walked back to the car, giving Sam and Jesse brotherly hugs before wrapping his arms around his daughter again. She kissed him as he pulled away and walked to the drivers side of the Charger as Fiona slipped in the passenger side.

He honked at his mother as he turned the corner and she absently waved back.


	8. When Claire is twenty

When Claire is 20.

…...

"I just don't understand why he has to come here when both Uncle Sam and Daddy and all the boys are here." Fiona rolled her eyes at her daughter's whine. "He's already had to deal with you and your H&K SL8!"

"Oh please McBride!He should have knocked, then I wouldn't have had to pull the gun." Her mother groaned.

"He didn't know my psychotic trigger happy mother was visting." She retorted. "They're just going to freak him out."

"I had five brothers. Five. And they were terrorists! Your father had to charm the crap out of them while trying to remember to hold up a very regionally specific Kilkenny accent!" Fiona crossed her arms across her chest, a distant smile coming to her features. "And I'm pretty sure he was bleeding internally at the time."

"Does your little trip down memory lane have a purpose or is it just to torture me?" Claire leaned against the wall, crossing her arms to match her mother.

"It's to tell you that if he really loves you, he'll put up with more than Uncle Sam, your father and a bunch of teenage boys." Claire tilted her head back and examined the double arch molding. "And eventually, you're going to have to have conversation where you explain that your father is a dead American spy and that your mother is a formally wanted international terrorist."

"I should just break up with him now." Claire huffed, dropping down onto the sofa.

"Nonsense." Fiona snorted.

"Mom do you hear yourself?" She moaned, stretching out like she was lounging on a fainting couch. Fiona thought she looked like her grandmother.

"Claire. Does he really love you?" She asked, dropping down and laying her hand on her calf.

"I think so." The younger woman sniffed, covering her face with her hands.

"Then.. this is.. just.." She shook her head. "Something you have to do."

"Fi? Maddox and Charlie broke the door knob off of the-." Michael McBride (Westen) stopped short. His eyes moving between his daughter and wife. "Hey Baby Girl. I didn't know you were here already."

"I just got here." She sighed. Michael's eyebrows furrowed. He looked back at Fiona.

"Am I-?" He started. Fiona shook her head quickly, before smiling at him. He stopped speaking immediately. He was usually okay dealing with the boys, but had learned it was best to leave Claire's bad moods to her mother.

Fiona waited blinking at him for a few seconds. He mused about the days when his little girl was still his little girl. His wife cleared her throat.

"Huh?" He looked up at her.

"The boys." She whispered patiently.

"The-? Oh! Yeah. The boys are.. locked in the game room." He held up the door knob as evidence. "I can't find the channel locks."

She made a face for a second before her face lit up.

"Third floor guest bathroom. Under the sink." She smiled. Michael looked back at his daughter.

"Great." She raised her brows at him, he shot her a look and she rolled her eyes.

"You need help?" Her voice was sickeningly sweet. A sure sign she was annoyed.

"Need may be a little strong.." He muttered before her features sharpened. "But yes. I'd like you to help me."

"I'll be back." She told Claire, smacking her leg as she stood up.

"What did I do now? She's been at school, I haven't even seen her in thirty days." He huffed as they started up the stairwell.

"You exist." Fiona hummed.

"She'd rather I didn't?" He mumbled.

"Dad! Dad?" McBride (Westen) rolled his eyes at the game room door as his youngest child continued to bang.

"Charlie.." He exhaled slowly. "Give me just another minute."

"Can't you just break it down?" Maddox growled.

"No he cannot. This is an 17th century solid oak door and no one will be breaking it down anytime soon." Fiona yelped before turning back to Michael. "And she'd rather you not exsist when she brings her new boyfriend home from school."

"Boyfriend?" Michael said stoically.

"Yes Michael. I know you didn't expect it this early, but what can I say. It's a changing of times, people are dating and getting married before they turn forty these days."

"Married!" He moaned at her.

"Not tomorrow." Fiona shook her head. "But someday I'm pretty sure Claire will want to get married. Go get the channel locks."

"She's only twenty. She's still in school Fiona!" He balked.

"Mommy?" Charlie's whimper made her roll her eyes.

"He's such a wuss, Michael." She whispered. "You have to stop babying him."

"Babying-?" He hissed. "Can we talk about your daughter?"

"Dad?"

"After we rescue your sons." She sang. "Channel locks."

"Mom?"

"Charlie please. Your father needs to get a tool."

…...

"Anybody home?"

"Uncle Sam?" Charlie's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Hey Chuck. Yeah I'm out here." He looked at Fiona in concern.

"Stop it he's fine." She hissed.

"He's been in there alone for like-." Sam looked at his watch as Michael came around the coner.

"He's not alone. Maddox is in there too you just can't tell because he's not freaking out." She hummed gesturing between the two of them. "You two are making him a wuss."

"Fi come on!" Michael grumbled. "Did you bring it Sam?"

"You really need liquid Nitrogen to get a door open?" Axe asked skeptically, running his hand down the frame.

"Locking mechanism is warped and I can't fit a saw blade between the door and the frame." McBride (Westen) huffed.

"So you figure we freeze the hell out of it and shatter it out." Sam finished with a nod.

"Maddox get your brother away from the door."

"He can walk Michael." Fiona huffed. "Charlie get away from the door!" She glared at him.

"Why don't you go spend some time with your daughter before she starts her new life." Michael growled.

"Fine." She snipped.

"Claire's here?" Sam smiled before yelling into the room. "Are you two all the way back!"

"Yes." Came Maddox's dry reply. Sam started spraying the Nitro, pulling back so Michael could start to chisel out the lock.

"Yeah. She's here and apparently tomorrow her new boyfriend is coming down." Michael grumbled.

"Boyfriend? Already?"

"Yeah. Apparently." He grunted, smacking the hammer against the metal tool a few more times. "Damn it."

"So who is this boy?" Sam grunted, wrapping his own hand over the chisel so Michael could focus on the hammer.

"I don't know but apparently she's not thrilled that we'll all be here."

"All?"

"You and me mainly."

"Good. I hope he's not thrilled either." Axe quipped.

"She's worried about telling him.." Michael smacked away a few more pieces before knocking the actual bolt holding the door shut away. "You know about.. everything.."

"She's that serious?" Axe leaned against the door until it popped open. Charlie McBride (Westen) sagged forward before hurrying over.

"Apparently." Michael finished, as both boys made a run on the newly opened door.

…...

"So. Your Uncle Sam. He's the one that was raised in America. He's your dad's half brother right? He's married with two step sons." William looked at her for confirmation. Claire nodded. "And your mom and dad are from Ireland. Your brother Maddox is 13 and your brother Charlie is ten?"

"Will, You've repeated this to me like seven times." She sighed. "There won't be a quiz."

He re-gripped the steering wheel of the car and glanced at the house again.

"It's so big." He murmured.

"It's just a house." She grunted opening the door the car and starting towards her front door. Fiona met them at the steps Charlie in tow. Will gathered up the wine he'd brought and made his way to the door.

"Hello William." Fiona said sweetly. The young man gave her a wary glance. "I'm unarmed." She smiled before muttering "sort of" under her breath.

"I'm Charlie." The boy said quickly, shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I got locked in the game room today."

"Enough Charlie." Claire whispered, moving her youngest sibling back into the kitchen. "Come in Will."

"I think you've met Charles here." She glared at the boy, he continued beaming. "Everyone else is in the dinning room." Claire shot her a pleading look. Fiona rolled her eyes dramatically before moving past them. "Follow me."

"This is my husband Michael. This is Claire's Uncle Sam. His son's John and Andrew his wife Mary. Claire's brother Maddox." She gestured slowly. "This is Claire's boyfriend Will."

The men in the room continued to stare at him. Mary Axe coughed uncomfortably. Fiona rolled her eyes again.

"So Will. What is it that you do?" Sam asked.

"I'm at University right now. Studying Political Science." He looked between them.

"Government work?" Michael asked flatly.

"Um. Yes. Her Magisty's Royal Army probably." He looked between the two of them. Sam and Michael exchanged long looks.

"Five terrorist brothers." Fiona whispered to her daughter.

"Reeaallly.." Michael hummed. "What area?"

"Military Intelligence." Will blushed a little. "Hopefully."

Sam started to laugh and Westen grinned like a predator. Will actually winced.

"Internal bleeding." Fiona reminded, through tight lips.

"Will.. sit." Sam gestured. "Tell us more about Military Intelligence. Sounds intriguing.

Claire McBride (Westen) vowed that no matter what happened between her and Will, she was never bringing anyone else home again.


	9. When Maddox is 15

**Reva.. Here's your Maddox chapter.. now write me more 'Walls...' **

**…...**

**When Maddox is 15**

**...**

I don't know why my father insists on camping as a way to force father/son bonding sessions, but he does. Right now I'm watching him and Uncle Sam argue about the best way to start a fire.

My uncle grunts and walks back to the camper, pulling out a few supplies before lighting it and chucking it towards my Dad's wood pile. My father jumps slightly ushering Charlie away from the blast.

"What was that?" My father yelps.

"I was thinking '_What would Fiona do?_'" Sam sighes, before dramatically rubbing his hands over the roaring flames. "Looks good." He turned back to look at John and Andrew. "Why don't you guys get the hot dogs and sticks?"

I look at my brother and watch the fire reflect off his glasses. Charlie loves camping, Uncle Sam jokes that he loved it so much he had to come out of the womb early to join us.

I can't remember the camping trip that ended in my brother's birth, but I've heard the story enough times to feel like I can.

We were camping when my brother was born.

We were camping when Uncle Sam told us he would be moving out of our house and in with Aunt Mary and the boys after they got married. I'd been jealous, Claire had cried her eyes out. I think Sam had cried a little too.

My father had taken me camping when I turned eleven to have _the talk_. Not the one about sex, John and Andrew were already all over that one. The talk that my father had to give was about him. His life before Guernsey. His life when he was a _spy_.

We were camping last year when Will asked my Dad's permission to marry my sister. I may have cried a little for that one.

I'm not really sure why we're camping right now, but I doubt that I'm going to like it much.

"Dad." I huff. "Why are we here?"

"What do you mean why are we here?" He looks around, his hands on Charlie's shoulders. "We're camping."

"We don't just go camping." I snort. "You _take_ us camping, usually by force. And usually to break bad news."

"I don't know what you're-."

"Oh face it, Mike." My Uncle Sam shakes his head. "He's figured us out. We might as well tell him we've sold him to the gypsies."

"Ha. Ha." I blink at him.

"Seriously Mads." My dad shakes his head now. "It's just camping."

"Just camping." I repeat sarcastically.

"Mom and Claire had some wedding stuff to do so I thought we'd get out of the way." He lifts his palms from my brother's shoulders and holds them up to me. "I swear."

"Dad?" Andrew calls eagerly. "Can I try the Bushmaster now?"

"Drew.." He sounds pained, my father smiles. "I thought we'd wait until morning to pull out the sniper rifles."

"It's got an infrared scope, Sam." He adds helpfully.

"Dad!" Andrew's British accent makes everything sound more desperate. "Come on. Even Uncle Mike says I can."

"Uncle Mike doesn't have to answer to your mother when it kicks back and breaks your jaw." He hands him a hot dog stick. "We'll do it in the morning."

My cousin looks at my father, he smiles evenly.

"Fair point, kid." He laughs as the seventeen year old's face falls.

"Claire's not pregnant or something?" I mutter. Will shoots me an alarmed look before looking at my Dad's death stare.

"No." He yelps, giving me a dirty look before looking back at my Dad. "No, Sir."

"Maddox for God sakes we're just camping." Sam grumbles, thrusting a hot dog stick into my hand before pointing at my father. "And you have no room to talk on that subject."

My dad crosses his arms before removing his eyes from Will and settling them back on the fire. His eyes flip to my brother, he watches him fiddle with the hot dog stick.

I cough loudly when he reaches over to help. My mom is making a conscious effort not to do anything for Charlie that he can do for himself, and forcing my Dad and Sam to play along.

He rolls his eyes at me before clenching his fists and moves his hands back to his lap. I smirk at him before taking a bite of my own hot dog.

…...

My mom taught me how to pick a lock when I was seven. Dad got me a pick kit for my birthday, but soon my mother had schooled me in the use of Bobbie-pins, drill bits and even tooth picks. I'm good.

My mom was also the first person to ever let me fire a sniper rifle. She's a good teacher my mother, and as Uncle Sam leans over Andrew's shoulder anxiously, I find myself wishing she was here.

"Now.. it's going to kick back." Sam frets. "You can't fight it. You have to kick back with it."

"Sam." My dad snorts. "Let him go."

"Okay." He sighs. "Just let me-."

"Keep your wrists firm." I yell from the steps of the camper. "Your shoulder should be loose, but your wrists firm. It'll help with the recoil."

The two men turned to stare at me.

"Damn. This kid may be quiet, but he's scary as shit." Will laughs chucking his finger at me.

"Wrists firm." Drew mutters. "Shoulder loose."

Sam leans in to supervise, my father keeps staring at me. I watch his lips curve into a smile before he swings his head around to watch Andrew's shot.

"That's it." Sam grins patting him on the back. "Nice, Son!"

"Who taught you how to shoot?" Will askes, passing me a cup of yogurt.

"My mom." I tell him honestly. "Taught Claire too, just so you know."

"You don't like me do you?" Will sighs, scraping the sides of his yogurt with his spoon.

"Don't know you." I shrug. "Claire likes you. I guess that's good enough."

"She wants you to like me." Will tells me. "She thought maybe if we went camping.."

"I knew it!" I choke on a bit of fruit in my yogurt. "I knew we weren't just camping." I point at my future brother in law. "We're supposed to be bonding."

"Is that a bad thing?" Will laughs before patting me on the back as I continue to cough.

"I don't like secrets."

"Man were you born into the wrong family." Will snorts.

"Tell me about it." I mutter. "And my sister goes and marries a spy wanna be."

"Military Intelligence." Will balks.

"So you'll be a paper pusher. Big difference." I roll my eyes.

"You know everything don't you?" Will teased.

"I know more than most." I counter.

"So should we fight it out?" My sister's fiance laughs. "You're Mom teach you guys hand to hand combat too?"

"Nah." I smile. "Dad did, he was afraid Mom would hurt us."

We both smile at that one.

…...

"I'll raise you." John chews on the inside of his lip as he pushes the chips to the center. "Five."

"I'm out." Will huffs, dropping his cards on the folding table. I shake my head.

"Some Intelligence agent you are!" I snort. "He's bluffing."

"How do you know?"

"His tells are ridiculous." My father agrees. "Call."

John drops his cards in a huff and my father grins, pulling the pot towards himself before tossing me a few chips.

"Nice scouting, Mads." He tells me, I raise my eyebrows and lay the chips on my pile. "John you'll make a fine architect."

My father stands up and looks at his watch before stepping over to Charlie already unconscious in his sleeping bag.

"I'm gonna go call your mom." He tells us climbing into the camper. I wait a few seconds before following, sitting on the steps and leaning against the door until it opens enough for me to watch my Dad.

"Hey Fi. How's wedding hell?" My father asks warmly, opening the door to the fridge and grabbing what I'm pretty sure is the last blueberry and eating it as my mother rants. "You'll get it figured out." He sighs, climbing into the bunk and pressing his finger and thumb over the bridge of his nose. "I know it's not your thing." He tells her soothingly. "We should have traded. You'd love this trip. Drew fired the Bushmaster this morning. Under the tutelage of your son."

My father's face works its way into a grin.

"He made the damn thing look like a toy. He's a natural. It's the Glenanne genes at their best. Nah. I haven't fire one of those in.." His head shakes from side to side. "Maybe when I get home you can give me a refresher course."

He listens as my mother talks, tension that no one would have noticed he was holding eases out of him.

"He's asleep. _I'm not_, I totally threw him to the wolves. You can ask Mads." He smiles again and I let my eyes slip shut. "I _am_ tired. I think I'm too old for this." He sighs.

"Sam makes it look like fun. I know. He's having a good time. Tell Claire I think their bonding. Okay.. Okay. I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow. Early. I promise. Nite Fi."

There is something therapeutic about the way my parents love each other. Something that stabilizes the ciaos and makes it less frightening.

"Mads?" My dad calls quietly. I jump even though I should know by now that you can't hide things from him. "Your mom wants to say goodnight." He extends his hand towards me limply and I guiltily take the phone from him.

"Hi Mom." I whisper, watching my father smirk at me before winking and rolling over to face the wall.


	10. Charlie: now and then pt 1

**For Maggie, in way of explaination. :)**

**...  
Charlie: now and then (part one)**

(now he is five)

Fiona stood at the window watching Sam and the children arrange something resembling a baseball game. The sides of her lips twitching up when Maddox gestured for his brother to fix the cap that was awkwardly hanging over his face. Charlie put his hand on top of his head, puzzled. Fiona's jaw tightened as John reached to do it for him, swallowing hard when Maddox swatted his arm away. The older boy used his own hat to demonstrate. Fi waited, watching her son for a second before he mimicked his brother. Fiona suppressed the smile that sprang to her lips before giving a resolute nod.

"Ready to go?" Michael asked cautiously as he came up behind her, rubbing his hands down her arms. She nodded again, turning to look up at him.

"It's going to be fine." He told her quickly. "Come on."

…...

_(then he was an embryo)_

The day that she found out she was pregnant with her third child Fiona Glenanne (Westen) McBride had promptly burst in a fit of uncharacteristic tears. Much to the dismay of her husband, but not as much to their closest friend.

"Get used to it." Sam huffed from his spot at the kitchen table. "The first couple months are pretty much a sob-fest." Michael looked vaguely nauseous.

He'd had enough of her surprise early pregnancy symptoms this morning when she'd started making breakfast before promptly ending up unconscious on the floor.

It was only when she was revived that she and Sam exchanged knowing glances, making Michael feel even more uneasy.

"_Fi." He'd whispered. "Are you-?"_

"_No..." She'd shaken her head before moaning. His eyes rolled. _

"_You are." He told her before excusing himself muttering about the drugstore._

Now even with the proof in her hand she still refused to give in.

"I.." Fiona looked at the test again before chucking it across the kitchen towards the trash can. "I cannot be pregnant." She sniffed. "I'm over forty."

Michael started to respond before the frantic shake of Axe's head stopped him, he closed his mouth quickly.

"I.." She braced herself on the counter, the rolling wave of vertigo that had lead to her shocking discovery claimed her again. "Oh Jesus I'm going to pass out again."

Her husband startled, sliding over to her side and brushing her hair back from her face. Sam moved a chair behind her and she slowly eased into it.

Michael watched his best friend grab a glass and fill it with ice before making his way over to the liquor cabinet and moving bottles around.

"Sam is now really the time to break out the hard stuff?" He groaned.

"No Mike. Now is the time to break out the club soda." He announced, gripping the liter and quickly pouring a glass. He looked at Fiona. "Bed. Now."

She nodded her head in response before groaning and leaning into Michael's chest.

"I don't think I can-." She looked up at him. "Michael will you-?"

He nodded before lifting his wife into his arms and carrying her up the steps to their bedroom. He laid her on their mattress before making his way back to the door.

"Where are you going?" She snapped.

"I'll be right back." He assured her nearly bumping into Sam in his haste. "It's always like this?"

"With Claire morning sickness came before fainting. With Maddox the other way around." Sam flip flopped his hand in a wild gesture before shoving the club soda at his friend. "Little sips." He warned. "Just in case they come together this time." Axe turned to leave.

"Whoa where you going?" Michael looked pathetic.

"Look Buddy," Sam shook his head. "I took this bullet for you not once, but twice.. so." He pointed towards the steps. "You're on your own this time."

…...

(now he is five)

"I don't understand." The woman in front of them smiled a placating smile that made him want to roll his eyes.

Fiona McBride sat on the edge of the small chair, her hands gripped tightly around the straps of her purse. Michael looked at her from the corner of his eye before quickly looking away.

This was going to be bad. He considered reaching over the small divot between them and covering her white knuckle grasp with his own, but another glance at her told him it was probably not worth the risk.

"I think that given his _problems_ Charlie is working a nice pace for this first semester." The young teacher smiled at them. Michael winced.

"And what problems are those exactly?" His wife's icy sing song voice made his eyes shut. The teacher looked between the two of them.

"His learning delays." She sounded like she was gently reminding them.

"So. Miss. Belle is it?" Fiona leaned forward, Michael sighed. "What you're telling me is that since my son requires more individualized attention in the classroom to achieve at the level of his peers that you feel that his being behind is working nicely?" She paused, a sharp eyebrow arching. "For whom exactly?"

"Mrs. McBride I assure you-."

"Miss. Belle." Fiona interrupted quickly. "I don't know about you, but my husband and I have very high expectations for Charlie." Fiona raised her head confidently on her neck and blinked at the teacher. "Expectations that are going to be difficult for him to reach if all of his educators are as overly eager to accept mediocrity as you seem to be."

"Fi." Michael interjected quickly, not surprised at all when she jerked away from the hand he had laid against her knee. "Miss Belle, Betty. May I call you Betty? What my wife is trying to say is that we would appreciate it if you treated Charlie the way you would any other student in your class."

The teacher blinked at them.

"Mr. McBride. You certainly realize that your son has challenges that may never allow him to-."

"When my son was born he couldn't breath on his own." Fiona snapped. "He had to be pushed and challenged then. Should we have taken pity on him and allowed him to carry oxygen around with him for the rest of his life?" She paused, the young woman looked at her like she was insane. "They told me he may never walk. I suppose I could have continued to carry him around but I decided against that. They told me he may never speak, but damn if he didn't want that juice enough that he finally did ask for it. Should I have just given it to him when he pointed at it? Is that what you would have done? Betty?"

Miss. Belle looked at Michael with a pained expression.

"Don't do that." Fiona sang. "Michael has long ago learned that it's a waist of his valuable time to be apologetic of my behavior."

Michael raised his eyes at the teacher in silent agreement.

"I understand my request may mean you have to actually teach my son, and I can imagine how hard that-."

"Fi." Her face slipped from it's confident facade for a second as he pried one of her hands from the purse strap and ran his thumb gently over it. She swallowed hard, shaking the weakness away. "We know how difficult it is, to watch Charlie struggle." He glanced at Fiona, squeezing her hand when he found the slightly broken look on her face. "But he comes from a long line of people who have manged to overcome being dealt difficult hands. We're just asking for you to give him the _opportunity_ to overcome his."

She looked between them for a second before nodding silently.

"Thank you." Michael decided, quickly rising and pulling his wife from the room.

She followed silently until they reached the car. He turned her away from the door and lifted her chin to his face, she avoided his eyes. He waited her out, the corner of his lips curving upward slightly when her gaze drifted up to his. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

She rested her temple against his chin for a second, slowing the rapid flutter of her heart. He kissed her forehead, running his fingers up and down her spine until she pulled away. He opened the car door for her closing it quickly.

"So." He exhaled, dropping into the driver's seat with a thud. "I say, since the kids are already at Sam and Mary's, we make a night of it."

She took a deep breath before turning towards him.

"And just what do you have in mind, exactly?"

"Port Soif?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Your offering to take me to the Tea Garden?" She grinned. "I must really look a mess."

"You look beautiful, Fi." It was the same serious and genuine voice he'd used for the past thirty years, but it still managed to make her chest flip. She reached her hand across the center console and slipped it into his. He lifted it to his lips and pressed the backs of her fingers against them. "Always beautiful."

…...

(then he was a fetus)

The first trimester seemed to stretch on forever as far as Michael was concerned, but it was somewhere around seventeen weeks that Fiona's ship seemed to write it's self. The early hellish and some times down right dangerous mood swings gave way to a peaceful serene Fiona that he found oddly more frightening.

She started working again just before the family came in for Jesse and Lucy's wedding. She was around twenty four weeks and the soft uncomplicated jobs that she would take let her come away smug and satisfied. This was what he'd remembered from Maddox's pregnancy, she'd somehow managed an easy going grace about her. She was quieter, more affectionate, more... turned on. This he could deal with.

So at twenty seven weeks he'd lulled himself into a comfortable haze of false confidence. When she suddenly suggested camping, out of the blue, he'd thought nothing of it.

"Why exactly are we going camping ?" Sam asked pointedly, as he lugged Maddox and his bag of toys to the rented camper that Michael was busily checking the tire pressure of.

"It's something she did with her brothers when she was younger." He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Well first of all, we aren't in the military anymore, so we don't have to sleep outdoors."

Michael raised his eyebrows and tapped the side of the tin camper, Sam made a face.

"Second." He continued loudly. "Camping really? With two kids?"

"It'll be good for them. Didn't you go camping when you were a kid?" Michael attempted to brush off the annoying feeling that Sam was onto something.

"You did?"

"Yeah." He shrugged, before making a face. "Not saying it was pleasant."

"I'm telling you Mike. No woman as pregnant as Fiona volunteers to go camping all the sudden." He pointed at his friend before looking back at house. "And she's been in the weapons shed for like.. thirty minutes." Sam raised his eyebrow before opening the door to the camper for Claire and following her inside.

He blinked after him for a second before Fiona and her black duffel bag came up behind him.

"Ready?" She asked brightly. He gave her a quick once over before moaning. Sam was absolutely right.

"This is a job." He stated flatly, she blinked again.

"What?" Fiona was always horrible at feigning ignorance were Michael was concerned.

"Fi." He stretched out the sound and the happy go lucky look fell off her face.

"Alright it's a little job." She pinched her thumb and forefinger together. He rolled his eyes.

"How bad is this job that you disguised it as camping?"

"Gun deal." She murmured.

"Fi! Why would you-?"

"He's a _good guy,_ Michael! Someone I've worked with in the past. He just needs a few things." She patted the bag.

"Then why are we meeting him in the middle of the woods?"

"He's in a bit of a bind." She grimaced cartoonishly. "Getting a little paranoid if you ask me."

"I'm doing the deal." He huffed.

"Right cause the last time you did a deal.. What happened again? Oh yeah You got kidnapped."

"Fi!" He pointed at her. "Stop bringing that up."

"Yeah cause it was like eight months ago and I should be over it by now?" She tossed the passenge3r side door to the camper open and climbed inside.

"It was almost nine months ago!" He grumbled before going around to the drivers side door.

…...

(now he is seven)

"How's reading going?" The doctor asked, looking from Charlie to Fiona.

"I like reading." Charlie reported dutifully, the physician smiled at him.

"School work isn't the problem." His mother sighed. "It's running, kicking a ball.." Firing a sniper rifle. She added that part silently. "Those types of things."

The woman smiled kindly before looking back a the boy.

"Charlie can you take your glasses off?" Her request was gentle, Fiona swallowed hard as her son removed his black rims. She watched his eyes twitch. "Depth perception is one of the major challenges with nystagmus. He just needs to find the right balance. Literally." She smiled, Fiona wanted to smile back. "Charlie? Have you been working to find your best null?"

Fi watched her youngest child nod before adjusting his neck at an odd angle. His eyes stilled, blinking into focus and landing squarely on her face. She forced her lips into a grin.

"Hi Mommy."

"Hi Charlie." She repeated. The woman slid her son's glasses back on his face.

"We can try prisms." She decided. "To help equalize the null."

Fiona nodded, her eyes never leaving her son's bright blue gaze.

…...

(then he was a fetus)

"Sam and I should go." Michael muttered, watching his daughter toss sticks into the fire.

"No. I told you Michael he's paranoid. I have to be there. Sam and I will go." Fiona rolled her eyes. "I'm fine."

"No your seven months pregnant and the last time I checked that's too pregnant for a gun buy." He murmured.

"What's the cut off Michael? I'm like seven months by a day. Would it have been alright yesterday?" She teased.

"Well I don't know Fiona. Should have asked me yesterday." He smirked.

"What do you expect me to do for the next three months Michael?" She stared at him indignantly.

"I don't know.. take it a little easy?" He shook his head.

"Can we do this later?" Sam huffed. "An overly paranoid guys gonna be looking for his guns."

"Vote." Fiona said quickly. Claire looked up from the campfire with a fearful look on her face.

"I'm not voting." Claire announced shaking her head back and forth. "No way."

"Fine." Fiona announced. "No possibility of a tie. Ready? Hands up if I'm going."

Michael glared at Sam as his hand slowly rose into the air with a wince.

"She's the contact Mike." Axe muttered feebly. Fi looked at him triumphantly.

"Hands up if I'm going." Michael said solemnly. Fiona huffed as three hands went up in front of her.

"McBride!"

"Fair is fair." She may have been two months shy of eleven, but Claire McBride had learned young that sometimes her mother needed to be knocked down a few pegs.

"Let's go." Michael grinned, picking up the duffel bag and following his wife to the drop site.

…...

(now he is ten)

"Try again." Michael said softly.

"I can't do it." His son pouted, his eyes slipping from side to side, a sure sign he was stressed.

"Yes you can. It just takes time." He moved from his spot across from him so that they were side by side. "Watch me."

"I want my other shoes." The boy whined.

"Charlie you can do this. Watch me." Michael slowly looped his lace and tied the shoe. His son started on his own before huffing as the knot slipped undone. He turned his face to his father. Michael bit his lip reaching out quickly and tying the sneaker. "Don't tell your Mom." He told him. "Get you backpack."

Michael followed him with his gaze, his eyes falling on Maddox.

"Don't." The former spy warned his older son. "We didn't have enough time." Maddox continued to stare. "I don't know why your mother insists that he have shoes with laces anyway."

"It's dress code." The older boy explained.

"They could make an exception." Michael snorted.

"Dad."

"Mads-."

"The shoe will come untied today." He told him. "And you won't be there to tie it." McBride (Westen) stared at his middle child. "And he's going to have to ask a teacher, and someone will call him a wimp. Or a baby or a wuss."

"They shouldn't-."

"You're not always going to be there to explain he needs a special shoe exception, or to tie his laces." Maddox shrugged. "That's all I'm saying." He pulled his backpack onto his shoulder and turned towards the door. "Come on Charlie, we're gonna be late for school."

…...

(then he was a fetus)

It had been a long time since Michael had been on a buy, but he was pretty sure there wasn't supposed to be this much gunfire. Fiona had stopped short before turning to him with wild frantic eyes.

"Run." Was all he could say, fumbling for the Sig he had stuck in his waistband automatically like he still did it every day. Fiona grabbed at a nearby tree branch with one hand and headed to higher ground, grasping at the arm he'd been using to shoo her away from the fire fight.

He shrugged her off, moving protectively in front of her.

"Damn it, Fiona go!" He shouted backward. Her chest heaved at the familiarity of the whole situation. Nine months may have made it a distant fading memory to him, but she still woke up at night reaching across the mattress to make sure he was still there.

He took a couple steps back as if he was trying to assure her he was coming. Fiona turned too quickly, loosing her balance and tumbling down the small embankment behind them with a yelp. Michael jumped down to her grasping her upper arm with his free hand and yanking her back up. She grunted in pain before willing her feet to go forward a few more yards until he tucked his weapon away and hurried her along in his embrace.

Once they were far enough away he pushed her back between the trees.

"Are you alright?" He yelled in irritation, his hands skimming over her shoulders. She nodded mutely. "Fi?"

"I'm banged up but I'm fine." She huffed in irritation. He let his eyes close.

"I knew this was going to go bad." He spit the words like profanity.

"Guys!" Sam's frantic call silenced any reply she hand to offer.

"We're alright." Michael answered, grasping Fiona's forearm and tugging her reluctant body away.

"What the hell?" Axe muttered, his nine mil outstretched and pointing around the quiet woods.

"Apparently Fi's friend wasn't as paranoid as we thought." He muttered. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"What and drive into that?" He pointed in the direction of their battle. "There's only one way out of here Mike. Through that." He nodded his head. "We're better off here."

"Perfect." He looked at Sam. "Did you leave the kids alone?"

"No of course not. There was a family camping in the next site. A woman and her sister and her two kids. I left them there when I heard the gun shots." Michael ran his hand over his face before nodding as the camp site came into view. "You okay?" He asked Fiona who was oddly silent. She nodded at him absently before staggering up the steps of the camper and slamming the door behind her.

Michael rubbed his face again before folding his hands behind his head and pacing a few steps.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered to himself. "She's insane."

"Cut her some slack it was a misunderstanding." Sam soothed. "You think she doesn't feel guilty enough?"

Michael looked back towards the camper before taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.

"You're right Sam."

"Of course I am." Sam mumbled. "I'm gonna go check on the kids."

"The sister hot and single?" His Buddy figured.

"No." Axe shook his head before starting to nod. "The mom is. Oh and hey Mike she's a nurse. You want me to bring her over, just to say hi? Maybe give Fi a once over?"

Michael nodded before grasping Sam's arm.

"Give her a few minutes to calm down first?"

"Sure thing, Brother." He watched his friend pull out his hand gun and give it a long look. "You remember how to work that thing right?"

"Shut up Sam." The former spy grumbled.

…...

(now he is ten)

He found Charlie in his favorite after school location, the game room.

"Hey." Maddox sat down on the floor next to his brother.

"Claire's coming tonight." The youngest McBride (Westen) child informed him.

"I think she's here." Maddox sighed.

"Is the guy with her?"

"Not yet." The older brother raised and eyebrow. "Your shoes untied."

He watched his brother's face squint as he looked at his foot.

"No it's not." The boy protested. Maddox smiled, reaching forward and tugging at the knot.

"Is now." He teased, laughing at the dirty look he received. "Come on. You can do it. You need the practice."

"Fine." Charlie huffed, looping the lace into a hoop before giving his brother a worried glance.

"Just relax wrap it around the bottom." He watched his brother's head tilt into his best focusing position and carefully tie the shoe. "See. Told you." He nudged him with his shoulder before reaching over and untying the other foot. "Your shoes untied." He sang. Charlie McBride (Westen) started to laugh.

…...

(then he is a fetus)

"Fi?" Michael opened the door slowly, looking at her curled onto the bed. "Hey, you okay?"

"A little too much excitement for the baby." She whispered absently.

"What?" He tried to hide the alarm in his voice.

"It's nothing. Braxton Hicks. I had them all the time with Claire." She whispered. "They'll stop when I calm down." He nodded back at her, relaxing the tightness in his shoulders.

"You want water? That helps right?" She smiled at him, slowly pushing her body up from the bed as he grabbed a bottle and unscrewed the cap. "Here."

"I'm sorry Michael." She whispered before sipping at the drink.

"Shh." He rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "It's alright. You didn't know. I should have been fine."

She winced and he laid his palm against her stomach. "You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, my head's just spinning a little." She closed her eyes at how ridiculous the whole thing was. He felt the pull of her abdomen before her posture stiffened, glancing down at her body.

"I thought you said you didn't hurt yourself." It was almost a sigh, he pulled his hand back from her middle and ran it up her leg.

"I didn't."

"You obviously did." He snorted, peeling off her legging shorts and running his hand along her thigh. "All this bloods coming from somewhere." He held his fingers up for her to see. She blinked at him in confusion before inhaling sharply as her back arched up violently.

"Michael." She hissed, her face contorting in pain. He reached his free hand back to her waist, rubbing along the firm spasm there before looking back at his bloody hand, realizing just where all that blood was coming from.

"I need Sam." He breathed, pulling up from the bed.

"No." She cried, grasping a his wrist.

"His new friend is a nurse." He shook his head before sliding his clean hand against her cheek and untangling himself from her. "I'll be right back."

He was out the door before she could protest again. Not that she could have mustered much when the next wave of contractions knocked the wind out of her. She curled into a ball on the bed, gritting her teeth and clawing a the comforter.

…...

She was still writhing when the door burst back open.

"Fi." Michael called quickly his hands falling lightly against her.

"Something's really wrong." She whimpered, curling closer to his body.

"You fell?" The woman wasted no time with introductions, rolling Fiona carefully onto her back and running her palms over her abdomen. Fiona cried out, her body tensing and arching.

"She fell about two feet." Michael told her, his hands feverishly stroking his wife's hair as her hand clamped like a vice around his arm. "She got right back up."

"Is this tender?" Sam's new friend, Nurse Mary asked quickly.

"I don't know." Fiona growled, before mashing her teeth together. "It hurts."

"Has she ever been hypertensive before?"

Sam nodded quickly.

"With Claire." He supplied. Mary nodded grimly.

"Twenty seven weeks?" She asked again. Michael nodded this time before wincing at Fiona's yell.

"She's in preterm labor?" Axe guessed.

"I think she's abrupted." Mary shook her head quickly. "The placenta was bruised, it separated from the uterine wall."

"That doesn't sound good." Sam murmured.

"It's not." She agreed. "We have to get her to a hospital."

"Michael." Fiona moaned, winding her hand in his shirt. "Michael I can't-."

"The abruption causes tetanic contractions." Mary clarified. "They're stronger more frequent. We need to go. Now." Sam nodded, looking up towards the drivers seat. "I'm going to call my sister and tell her to meet us here and follow us out. Try and keep her calm."

Michael looked at his wife helplessly before laying down beside her on the bed. She pressed back into him, her body tense and ridged.

"Breath." He told her easily. "Just like before."

"It isn't like before." She sobbed.

"I know." He pressed his face into her hair. "I know. Just hold on."

…...


	11. Charlie: now and then pt 2

**...**

**Charlie: now and then (part two)**

**...**

(now he is three)

"Fi?"

"I'm in here Sam." He made his way into Charlie's room, Fiona was on the floor with Charlie between her legs. "Sit down and see if he'll walk to you."

Axe raised his eyebrows before dropping to the ground and spreading his legs wide. He reached out his arms, coaxing Charlie towards him.

"I remember doing this with Claire." He mused lightly. "She was so determined."

"I wish this one was that way." She huffed as Charlie bent his knees into a squat.

"I don't know Fi. After all he's been through I think he's proven he's pretty determined." Axe sighed.

"True." She made a face. "But he can't rest on that Sam."

"You'd never let that happen." Sam grinned. "Years of keeping Michael on his toes gave you years of practice."

"That's true." She giggled, tugging Charlie back to his feet and moving his hips. The boy stumbled forward. Sam reached out and let him use his hand to make it over. "Cheater." Fiona muttered. Sam raised an eyebrow but lifted Charlie over his head in celebration anyhow.

Sam smiled at the little boy's squeal, before turning him to face his mother.

"Come here to Mommy!" She ordered, clapping her hands as her son dropped to his butt. Sam chuckled, pulling him back up.

"Fi." Sam called quietly, her bright eyes flashed up to his. "I have to talk to you about something."

"What now?" She rolled them now, snorting in fake annoyance.

"Mary asked me to move in with her and the boys last night." He watched the look of realization come to her face and it broke his heart a little. She opened her mouth with a sweet smile but the congratulations never quite made it to her lips. "I told her she might regret it, since I hadn't lived with a woman in decades. She just started cracking up, saying the last time she checked I'd lived with you for over a decade."

Fiona's lips twitched up before going slack again.

"I'll be right around the block, Fi." He promised, letting go of Charlie as he stumbled towards his mother. She caught him with an absent smile before looking up at Sam. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

She nodded at him, pulling her son close to her chest and kissing the top of his head.

…...

(then he was being born)

"Ahh!" Fiona's body pressed up from the bed again, her arms shaking as her legs drew in. "Oh God. I can't.. Michael.." He smoothed his hands over her, rubbing soothing strokes. "It.. I.. Ahh."

"I called ahead." Mary called, slipping back from the front seat. "They're sending an ambulance to meet the ferry."

Fiona's cries became mews as her arms gave out and she slipped back to the mattress. Mary felt her wrist.

"She's loosing a lot of blood."

"What about the baby?" Michael asked softly, the woman shook her head.

"I don't know." She laid her hand's over Fiona's twisting body. "I can still feel movement. That's the best we can hope for. It mean's the baby's still getting blood flow from the placenta. I just know if we don't get there soon we could loose them both." Mary looked back towards the road, as if she could will it to pass by faster.

He pressed his lips to Fiona's head as she whimpered before struggling to sit up again.

"Michael." She moaned before it became a low growl.

"I'm right here, Fi." He reminded her.

"Michael I need to push." She grunted.

"What?" He did a double take as she gripped the front of his shirt.

"He's coming." She cried. "Right now. I need to push." She yanked at him again. "Help me. Michael. Help me I need to-." She gasped before a low groan rumbled from her lips and her knees snapped back towards her chest.

"Fiona.." Mary warned. "Try and breath through it."

"Can't." She pleaded, her head lulling onto her husband's shoulder. "I can't."

"Yes you can." He coaxed, leaning her back a little more cradling her against his chest. He swept the damp hair from her face. "Don't push. Just look at me and breath."

"No." She weakly shook her head. "Please I need to."

"Fiona." Mary grasped the woman's face in her hands. Michael's heart beat increased when she didn't even try to pull away from the stranger's touch. "This baby is _very_ early. The closer we are to the hospital when it comes out the better chance it has. Do you understand?"

Michael watched her tight jaw nod in defeat.

"Don't push." The RN told her firmly. Fiona moaned again, turning her face into his chest and away from the other woman.

…...

(now he is two)

Sam watched Mary hand Charlie a shovel, helping him scoop hand over hand, not much made it into the bucket.

Claire was chasing the boys with a squirt gun, her feet slapping against the shallow laps of the ocean as they screamed and scattered.

Axe gulped, scooting his chair across the sand towards them.

"Mary.." He cleared his throat and she looked up at him.

"He's getting better control over his extremities. Look he's actually making the motions."

"Mary.." He grunted uncomfortably, dropping down into the sand and lifting Charlie into his lap. "We need to talk."

"Oh.." She stilled before nodding. "You brought me to the beach to break up with me..that's.. different."

"I'm not breaking up with you." He shook his head. "I'm doing the opposite of breaking up with you."

"The opp-?" Her eyebrows furrowed before arching wildly and shaking her head. "Sam I'm not ready to get married again. Not yet."

"Mary."

"It's not that I don't want to. I do! I love you. I just think that we need to-."

"Mary!" Sam yelped, grabbing her face and pressing his mouth to hers. "I'm not doing that either."

"Then.."

"I need to tell you a story." He kept his hand on the back of her neck.

"A story?"

"Yes. Of a buddy of mine." He blinked at her. "A guy I was in the military with." She tilted her head in confusion. He'd never mentioned the military. "He worked for the CIA. Do you know what that is?" She nodded. "He's the best friend I've ever had. Like a _brother._." Sam let her go, settling back onto the beach and turning Charlie until he was facing him. "His girlfriend. She was a firecracker." Sam grinned before dropping his gaze on the little boy. "Former IRA. This little thing could take down men twice her size. I'm not kidding."

Mary's mouth opened slightly as realization dawned on her.

"He got into a bind." Sam nodded at Charlie. "While back. Big mess." He lowered the baby back into the sand. "And I made a choice, Mary."

She looked at Charlie, then back to Sam's urgent pleading gaze.

"I made a choice to stand by my friends. No matter what that meant." He waited, clearing his throat again. "Even if it meant leaving behind everything I knew, and pretending to be someone else entirely."

"Who are you?" She whispered softly.

"I _am_ Sam Axe." He nodded reassuringly. "And you _really_ do know me. You do Mary, you know me the way _no one_ else ever has." She smiled despite the severity of the moment. "But everything you know about my past is a lie."

He watched her hand move across the space between him and grasped his arm.

"Tell me." She whispered.

…...

(now he is here)

"Breath." Michael pleaded, watching his wife hold her breath, her weak fingers moving against his wrist. "Breath."

"I can't." She winced. "I can't."

Her knees bent again as her body clenched.

"Baby's engaged." Mary spit the words out like a curse. "It's too late. She can push."

Fiona yelled with release, her head dropping to her chest with the next wave as her fingers curled around his.

"Whoa. Whoa." Mary called. "Take a breath."

Michael watched her head drop back against the crook of his arm. She gasped before bearing down again.

"It's out." Mary called, moving the baby slightly to the left before tying off and cutting the cord as quickly as she could. "It's a boy." She rubbed at the baby quickly, moving her knuckle against it's sternum, hoping he would at the very least _try_ to breath. She laughed a little when a tiny squeak of a cry slipped out. "Good boy." She whispered, before tilting is head back to open his airway and pressing her mouth over his face. "_Little breaths Mary, little breaths_." She reminded herself before doing it again.

Michael watched, his wide eyes captivated by the tiny creatures chest's miniscule movements, His own lungs clenched with each tiny squeak that echoed when the woman moved her face away from his son's.

"I'm sorry." Fiona whimpered, her own face pale and sunken. "Michael, I'm so sorry."

"Shh." He coaxed holding her more tightly against him. "No. It's not your fault."

"It is." She told him, her eyes rolling up slightly. "It's.." He watched her fade away.

"Fiona." He shook her a little and her eyebrows lifted again. "Stay awake." She nodded a little, forcing her gaze into his. "Stay with me."

…...

(then he was eight months old)

"No. No, you don't have to do it so often." Mary's hand gently fold over Sam's. Charlie's nurse smiled backing up from the teaching session when she realized she was unnecessary. "Give him a chance to clear it himself."

"Okay." Sam sighed, pulling the suction device away from Charlie's body. "How long do I wait?"

"At least a minute." She smiled at the little boy.

"Seriously?" Sam balked. "I'm supposed to let him choke for a whole minute?"

"He's not choking, he's coughing." Mary corrected, before pointing at Charlie who had gone back mouthing the blanket on his chest. "See he's fine."

"Okay." He sighed, looking around the NICU while he stretched, before gesturing to the supplies beside him. "Let's go over the trach ties again."

"You don't have to learn it all in one day you know." She laughed.

"He comes home on Friday, so you know,." Sam made a speed it up gesture. "Gotta get rolling."

"I thought Michael hired a nurse?" Mary raised her eyebrows.

"She's only scheduled from seven pm to seven am." He gave her a long look. "If I can't become a pro at this then I can't teach Fiona. If I can't teach Fiona I have to be home at seven am _every_ morning."

He watched the meaning of his words dawn on his girlfriend's face, lowering his eyebrow with a slow nod.

"I could teach Fiona-."

"No-ho-ho!" Sam dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand. "That's a bad idea."

"I'm a good teacher."

"She's a bad student." Sam grimaced. "Trust me. She'll eat you alive. You teach me. I teach her. I get to spend the night whenever _you_ want."

"Give me the stuff." Mary sighed.

…...

"Mike?" He didn't move, Sam sighed and moved closer to where he was standing just outside Fiona's hospital room. "Mikey?"

"She's stable." He whispered, exhaustion heavy on his features.

"So's the baby." He told him gently. "They gave him surfactant.. and put him on C-Pap." Axe mimed his hand into a mask and held it over his nose. "Mary says that's the standard course of treatment for a baby that small.."

Michael nodded.

"They gave her a sedative." He gestured to his wife. "So I'm gonna head down there now."

"Where do you need me?" Sam asked him. "You want me to stand guard here? Are you worried about the busted job at all?"

The other man's eyebrows rose and he laughed bitterly.

"I forgot all about that." He admitted, before considering it. "It wasn't about us Sam. I don't even think they knew we were there."

"Then you want me to take the kids home?"

Michael huffed.

"I forgot all about them too." He leaned back against the wall.

"Well.. the day didn't exactly go as planned." Sam sighed.

Michael thought that maybe that was the biggest understatement he'd heard in a while.

"Where are they?"

"Asleep in Mary's sister's camper in the parking lot." He pointed towards the elevators. Michael couldn't help but grin.

"They can stay there." Came a quiet voice from behind them. Sam and Michael both straightened, whipping around to face the small nurse. "Annie and I aren't planning on going home tonight."

"That's.. If it's not too much trouble I'd like to stay with them." Sam muttered, Mary smiled and nodded at him.

"I figured." She looked at Michael. "How's your wife."

"Stable. Thanks to you they both are." He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest before exhaling loudly. "I don't even know your full name. I'm Sam's brother, Michael McBride."

He stuck his hand out and Mary took it with a grin.

"Mary Albright." She smiled. "Nice to meet you Sam's brother Michael."


End file.
